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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Broken Heart, A Broken Minddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Suicidalchild51
    ASL Info:    17/f/wa
    Elite Ratio:    3.31 - 411/333/83
    Words: 266
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Love
    Total Views: 1386
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1709



    Description:
       Just about me having a broken heart...the last part is just crap...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Broken Heart, A Broken Minddots
    -------------------------------------------


    I said I Love You,
    You said you Loved me too,
    But if those words were true,
    Why am i crying over you?

    My heart was broken,
    You took and you tore it,
    My words are from the heart, not the forehead,
    I can't fall in Love again.

    Chorus:
    A Broken Heart, A Broken Mind,
    Will You ever know, The pain inside?

    A Broken Heart, A Broken Mind
    Forget what I'm feeling, Push me aside.

    I try to throw away the pain you caused,
    Wrapping my wrist up, with tape and gause,
    You always picked me up, when i did fall,
    When you said it was over my heart did a pause.
    ((Heart beat stops and flat line goes)))

    I showed you all the Love I had
    To my parents all the bad,
    I made my world sad,
    You were the only happy one man.


    Chorus:
    A Broken Heart, A Broken Mind,
    Will You ever know, The pain inside?

    A Broken Heart, A Broken Mind
    Forget what I'm feeling, Push me aside.

    I'm tired f this rhyming shit,
    Why dont i just slice my wrists,
    I got nothing to live for,
    No one to keep score,
    My live is drained,
    I've gone insaine,
    Just let the rain,
    Pore down on me,
    Let soak,
    All the pain away...
    Let it float away...

    ((Whisper talk))

    Chorus:
    A Broken Heart, A Broken Mind,
    Will You ever know, The pain inside?

    A Broken Heart, A Broken Mind
    Forget what I'm feeling, Push me...








    Submitted on 2005-11-07 23:04:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      Wow..that was pretty good..I know the feeling very well.I liked this write alot. It was really good I mean the beginning was lacking sort of but then you got to the first chorus and it was phenominal. a few mis spelled words but great non the less. the only thing i can really say is that...no one is worth your own death. I tried 18 times but I realized that its not worth it...nothing is. Don't worry about people or what they say, life is life..everything happens for a reason...but I must say aduie and good write keep it up..thats one for the favs lol.
    | Posted on 2006-08-28 00:00:00 | by Restless_Heart | [ Reply to This ]
      I actually really like the second stanza. It's surprisingly to the point...gets under the skin kind of. Good job. Maybe work on rythym and learning to articulate a thought with as few words as possible...seriously, I really like the second stanza.
    | Posted on 2006-01-19 00:00:00 | by suneideises | [ Reply to This ]
      its a little morbid but i kno u will get through this cuz i always do i luv ya chick a the write is kinda choppy but it works...<3
    Kelly
    | Posted on 2005-12-11 00:00:00 | by bleedinbabygrl8 | [ Reply to This ]
      hey amber it's been awhile anyways, i liked this song it was very creative. Very much of how i felt like two weeks ago lol. Anyways the last part wasn't crap i rather liked it. Song has a real strong message, but it doesn't sound like you're pissed. anyways it was a nice write, write some more.

    ~~Danni~~
    | Posted on 2005-11-08 00:00:00 | by Poeticprincess | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, u weren't angry. u usually shout and curse a lot in ur more depressed writes. this was pretty damn good though. i liked the chorus a lot and all ur lyrics were on point. i think this is rock. what kind is it? keep it up babe. i still can't believe u thought me and maggie were going out. lol
    | Posted on 2005-11-08 00:00:00 | by unknown soldier | [ Reply to This ]
      as a song, this isn't all that good. but as a poem this is amazing. songs need to have close to the same number of syllables in almost everything. it is very difficult to write a song that sounds good. now, depending on your tempo, your time, and the way you sing it it could turn out to be a nice song, but not a great one. but like i said, as a poem you have something great. keep it up and don't let me discourage you
    | Posted on 2005-11-08 00:00:00 | by frozenflame | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with cool dude. i can relate to how you feel about 6 months ago the same happened to me but you will be able to love again. Be strong and couragous. Good write
    | Posted on 2005-11-08 00:00:00 | by Starry Eyes | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey! Sounds pretty cool except I'm not sure if I really like "a broken mind", just kinda weird.."A broken heart, a torn soul" is my preferred choice..Anyways, juz an opinion..
    | Posted on 2005-11-08 00:00:00 | by cOoL_DudE | [ Reply to This ]
      Interesting. I have a hard time with the whole lyric thing. I'm not musically inclined so I don't know what makes a good lyric and what makes a bad one. Although, I did like the part which you referred to as 'crap'. I'm sorry I can't be helpful. :-(
    | Posted on 2005-11-07 00:00:00 | by curiosityskitty | [ Reply to This ]


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