I yell, I scream
I run, I hide
But, you can't tell, you can't see
Because it is inside that I am lying and trying to get away
Far, running far
Little, showing little
For no more emotion is what I long for
No more emotions that confuse my mind so
Never leaving, leaving this behind
Keep running, running with you by my side
Confusion is all I have today
Confusion not of love but, hate...the hatred of loving you so
| Hey. Again, I love the lack of specifics that the other critics were talking about. The only real specific you had in there was inthe last line, 'the hatred of loving you' and I love that line. Maybe it's because the oxymoron that it is, and maybe it's because I can relate to it in such a way that I wish I couldn't. Umm, well I don't have alot of time right now, infact I was originally only coming to read something and then leave and think it over; but I couldn't help but comment on this one. I really loved it. The repitition brought out the emotion so nicely, and I honestly think that's all this poem was about was emotion. The confusion of love and hiding yourself, the hurt inside the confusion itself... Well there's plenty more I could say, but I really should be going. I'm sure I'll come back again. Probably read this one over. |
Excellent job, and thankyou.
|| Posted on 2006-10-08 00:00:00 | by stefhy | [ Reply to This ] || well, very interesting piece. you dont let on much to any sort of specifics, but if you were to place an "insert subject here" line in certain place amongst your lines, what an amazing write this would be...so my criticism is your blandness, so private, to the point a reader truly cannot even promote an idea, and that hinders the flow of reading, besides understanding...but as a piece of thoughtful writing, this holds much potential...great work dre...|
would have loved to hear from you, if you cant call, you should write...
|| Posted on 2005-11-24 00:00:00 | by nwproud | [ Reply to This ] || Like other comments, expanding on this more would be awesome, but I can honestly say that I understand the feeling of hating yourself for loving someone so much, when they are so completely bad for you. Not sure exactly why you hate loving this person, but how I related to this was because I knew better and was constantly hurt by someone and refused to give up. I walked, no slammed into a brick wall so many times it's not even funny. |
Either way, that's what this poem did for me and that's a good thing. I've reached beyond the point of accepting everything...sorry to carry on here. I like what you've got here, I too would like to get a bit more insight to what's truly underlying.
|| Posted on 2005-11-22 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ] || I agree with Mike about maybe trying to expand this. I think it is a wonderful expression of how emotions can seamingly condemn you. You feel strongly towards this person and you don't want to because he doesn't know? I am just guessing, or maybe this isn't about love in a relationship between lovers, maybe someone else in your life. I can see what you are talking about, emotions often feel unfair. When looking at another you feel an emotion, no matter what the situation. That emotion is of you, this person you see is given an image by your mind, this image is what controls your emotion. It is really just you who can control such a thing, it can often be very difficult. I always have problems with that, but the first step is to recognize emotions for what they are. They are projections of yourself, a mirror basically. When you see someone you assign them an image, this image you will either like or dislike, am I confusing you yet? If you stop and think about it then it might make sense. That is just what I perceived from this poem.|
Thank you for listening,
|| Posted on 2005-11-08 00:00:00 | by crowded_mind | [ Reply to This ] || wow... *sighs* it is amazing that some one would feel the same as i do right now... the hatred you hold for the one you love because they have cause you pain you don't want to listen any more but your tretorus heart wont listen to a single word you have said... it is always amazing... |
that you love and hate so much and still feel cold...
very beautiful write and i hope that like me you start to heal and not hate so much ..
love and light
|| Posted on 2005-11-08 00:00:00 | by Archer | [ Reply to This ] || ok this seems like an effect poem and your feelings are strong in it, I don’t want to take that away, but I would work on it just a little bit more. I would think you have a whole lot more than this to say. now the last stanza is good, the second is somewhat fair I don’t know about that part “far, running far and little, showing little” I think of Captain Kirk over dramatizing. what I would do and this is just me, you don’t have to go with the suggestions of a old loony I would take the words “I yell” and make a stanza for that, then “I run” and make one for that so on and so forth like this…..|
add more to it with what you have already. it’s what I would call a starter piece it’s fair but mess around with it a little try other things to bring out more in it. I just have this feeling that it isn’t complete that you have a hell of a lot more to say then this. there is more to this than what I am reading. imagine a friend of yours died, I know its horrible to think about that, but imagine a good friend of hers giving an eulogy. what if she said this “she lived she died, end of story” wouldnt that irritate you? give this a little more detail in what you are writing about. don’t have to use that format it is just a way to expand something. I hope some of this helped, I’m not trying to be mean, I just want you to have me come back to this and go holy cow this is a killer write! you can always tell me to go jump in a lake but just know I’m trying to help here that is all,
|| Posted on 2005-11-07 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ] |