Climax by Raivn

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Submission Name: Climax dots

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Author:	Raivn
ASL Info:	25/f/al
Elite Ratio:	4.28 - 1188/902/223
Words:	125

Class/Type:	Poetry/Passion
Total Views:	289
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	798

Description:
If you don't know, don't ask. This is about fantasies, and feeling dirty in the worst possible way.

Climax

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A hand caresses my breasts.
I close my eyes, and I feel you.
It's been so long since I've been touched,
Since there was nothing but us two.

You run your hands down my body.
You gently rest them on my thigh.
Your fingers find that special place.
My lips release a tiny sigh.

You work your magic on my body.
You gently heal that ache.
The pleasure overwhelms me,
Finally causes me to break.

I keep my eyes closed tight.
You're not really there.
And the pain of being here alone,
Is sometimes just too much to bear.

A moan escapes my lips.
A tear falls from my eye.
The tide has finally come.
I climax, and I cry.

Submitted on 2005-11-08 09:04:59 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Hmmm. This left the reader definitely wondering. There are several different takes on it from the other comments that I did read. And, each of them could be taken as the real one. But, only you truely know. Hmm. Sadly enough, I could relate to it also. Missing someone that much....hurts like a mother. *Shakes head*

You wrote this beautifully and provocitive in a tasteful manner. That's I think another thing I enjoyed about it.

PS: Don't feel the need to comment on my work I'm trying to get to +30 I'd taken a leave from the site for a while and now I'm back to get my reciprocation up. So, don't feel like you have to comment back. I'm just doing everyone a favor. Thanks for the read!

BCute<3
| Posted on 2006-08-21 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ]
  Although it's obvious what you're talking about, you handled this quite tactfully in my book and I wouldn't describe it as explicit, well done. I like the build in the first three stanzas then the crash with the fourth.
Only one line bothered me
"Your fingers find that special place"
feels a little cliché, I seem to find it alot. So I would have to think about that.
Overall I enjoyed the read so thanks

Later
V
| Posted on 2005-11-25 00:00:00 | by Vastmark | [ Reply to This ]
  Beautiful, ... absolutly beautiful. Very passionate and somewhat explicit but still very well written. It had great flow and didn't subside at all, which is great. Alot of poetry that I've read doesn't have good flow and its such a letdown sometimes. Keep writing and I hope to hear more from you. :D

LiLian
| Posted on 2005-11-15 00:00:00 | by morbidkittie | [ Reply to This ]
  This is good. I enjoyed the climaxing part of it all.
because after all climaxing is always the best part!
well getting there is pretty good too!
but any way good write it is definately under the write category "passion"
| Posted on 2005-11-14 00:00:00 | by always thinking | [ Reply to This ]
  Ok i have to admit that I can totally relate to this piece...it is so painful to miss someone that much...and even more painful at times when you venture into this kind of experience...it hurts like hell..i have felt this and been there...and then re-united with the one i loved...and i did cry...it was as i imagined and although it was beautiful..it too hurt in ways...my heart overjoyed but overwhelmed by the pain i had felt...this inspires me to write about that part of it...how much it hurt yet felt of the utmost pleasure ...fantastically written...and i love the contrast of emotions...this is definitely a fav!...stormy
| Posted on 2005-11-09 00:00:00 | by stormyskies | [ Reply to This ]
  *applause* Excellent work. This drags the reader in and keeps them locked there, right until the very bitter, ever so sad, end.
Can't praise it enough, it packs emotion, and a punch.

Simply great writing, be proud of it.

Be Happy

Graeme
| Posted on 2005-11-08 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
  You know I am just silly...I don't even know why I clicked on this at all cause I KNEW what it was about, and you know what...I am bored and I think that you are mean and you don't understand me at all...you made me feel really bad with your comment and I was feeling like a man and everything...I told you that about Tony cause they are all about him...not that I didn't like your poems...but bah I guess that I really shouldn't be offended...and this poem would be better if you weren't my sister cause it is just kinda weird to read it...yup yup.

Lots of love
Jazmine
| Posted on 2005-11-08 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
  You seem to have blurred the line between lovemaking and suffering, togetherness and solitude, sorrow and joy. It almost appears your lover is a figment of your imagination at times, and the climax is more of relief than joy, as if you fed an addiction you wanted to remain a secret. Nicely done.
| Posted on 2005-11-08 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
  This was very sensual. you put a lot of emotion into this. I liked the way that you still kept it clean. This gives the reader the ability to let their imagination go to work with their own explicit detail. The only thing I saw was where you put:

Finally causes me to break.

I think that:

Finally CAUSING me to break.

would sound a little bit better.

Other then that. Great work. You definitely can have some one sitting hot in their chair!

Li Li
| Posted on 2005-11-08 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]
  I agree with Mud, this is great. I especially like the shift from making love to being alone, it is well-done. An over-all great piece.
| Posted on 2005-11-08 00:00:00 | by Kane Martyr | [ Reply to This ]
  this is just wow. i reeally think so. you've captured it so well, the whole feeling. and the rhyming's perfect.

'A moan escapes my lips.
A tear falls from my eye.
The tide has finally come.
I climax, and I cry'

it ends really well, i think it's the last to stanzas that invoke the most emotion in me when i read this. it's near perfect, really. just the right lenghth and everything.
| Posted on 2005-11-08 00:00:00 | by Mud | [ Reply to This ]

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