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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: faces of lovedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: papalegba
    ASL Info:    45/male/schenectady ny
    Elite Ratio:    3.78 - 52/42/28
    Words: 194
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 646
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1167



    Description:
       point of view


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsfaces of lovedots
    -------------------------------------------


    there are faces of love
    that sometimes fall in a alley
    full of shadows and sometimes
    well you know death
    happiness falls for a few short seconds
    then the nameless spirits leave
    letting your heart fall by the gutter
    being alone no one is there to pick you up
    your soul becomes empty
    as the god of us all puts his back to us
    we looking for love
    and for a closeness that becomes vacant
    we begin the death chant
    singing why be so foolish
    then a shimmering object in the distance
    a gun or a knife
    let the blood flow
    no one will care
    at least a smile was had for a brief moment
    it is now over
    the faces and the light is growing dim
    it is to late to go back
    but what if god or the devil
    does not what me
    can't go home anywhere
    oh over there another shadow
    this may be the one
    marriage for another moment in time
    this maybe oh yes this is the one
    god may not aprove
    but he created this mess
    and it is not by freewill alone
    sometimes you pay....




    Submitted on 2005-11-08 10:18:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      The poem definately has a strong and emotive message. I did ntoice though the lack of punctuation. To one extent this gives effect, the effect of being an outburst of feeling without structure or planning. A little punctuation or capital letters would help it though. Apart from that your style is good and the theme is emotion provoking.
    | Posted on 2005-11-08 00:00:00 | by Septembruary | [ Reply to This ]
      this, for me, was a little hard to follow. i think you get a point across, but only with a few lines. mainly towards the end. the last lines in the poem kind of pull it together. but not enough to really get your full emotion together. it doesn't truly flow. but like you said, this is a point of view. and i've taken it from a poem's side, and now it's a point of view's side. it's good. i appreciate that you are willing to share these thoughts with us. it's something that everyone wonders. and you just showed us all how you do it. thank you and keep it up
    | Posted on 2005-11-08 00:00:00 | by frozenflame | [ Reply to This ]
      It was a little broken in areas but all in all not a bad piece. I like the voice behind this a little pessimistic kind of a defeatist voice, weird but great.

    Peace,
    Jermaine.
    | Posted on 2005-11-08 00:00:00 | by Flowerinbloom | [ Reply to This ]


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