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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: When(edited)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: miss__smiles
    ASL Info:    16/f/Soo, Ont
    Elite Ratio:    3.28 - 117/110/20
    Words: 96
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 705
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 635



    Description:
       Okay, I took some suggestions and fixer 'er up. Let me know what ya think now.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhen(edited)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    when do I say "enough heart ache"
    And "enough pain"
    Do I put the pieces together
    and build myself up again.

    Do I answer the phone
    With a simple, sincere, "hello"
    Should I tell you "you can stay"
    Or do I tell you to go?

    Can I put on my make up
    Or go back to the life I had
    How do I hold myself up
    I'm crumbling inside, I'm sad.

    when do I say "enough heart ache"
    And "enough pain"
    Do I put the pieces together
    Will I ever be myself again?




    Submitted on 2005-11-08 12:23:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Interesting, an perfect example of being alone. While it may first seem that it deosn't in the least bit give off the feeling of "lonesomeness" if one really thinks about it, it does. It is in solitude when people make choices about life, when they reflect on what happened and what might happened. Excellent piece, indeed.
    | Posted on 2005-11-27 00:00:00 | by HW Wellington | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the way the poem flows. The way it reads I can imagine it would go nicely if set to music. I don't know if you intended it to be lyrics or not but it certainly worked out that way. Starting and ending the poem with the same stanza worked out very nicely. Keep writing!
    | Posted on 2005-11-08 00:00:00 | by Toadslayer | [ Reply to This ]
      I have'nt read your previous edition but i must say that i did like this one. It fowed easily stanza into stanza, line to line very harmonic in a sad torn and brokenhearted kind of way. Good write.

    Kuddos,
    Jermaine.
    | Posted on 2005-11-08 00:00:00 | by Flowerinbloom | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked the flow of this poem, it went well with the topic for some reason. It displayed a lot of truth, I'd have to say, because many, many people feel this way. Great job on this one, it was a very good read.
    | Posted on 2005-11-08 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]


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