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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: doubtdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ertha
    Elite Ratio:    4.35 - 124/135/24
    Words: 37
    Class/Type: Poetry/Satire
    Total Views: 820
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 234



    Description:
       immediate reaction...are you amused?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsdoubtdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I should phone
    he's on his own
    he needs me

    I should write
    alright, all night
    if needs be

    I'll go to sleep
    it will all keep.
    he just bleeds me




    Submitted on 2005-11-08 16:52:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I regret I was not very impressed by this at all. It seemed trite to me and neither profound nor original.

    Having said that, yes, there is a certain amount of truth in it: other people use and abuse us for their own ends, so what the f*ck.

    PS: I think "all right" is better grammar than "alright" which is ugly.
    | Posted on 2006-01-28 00:00:00 | by Edna Sweetlove | [ Reply to This ]
      The length a a poem I've always thought was regulated by the amount of clarity in the verse.
    And it also can be short if a question is left for the reader to forulate an answer.
    Doubt; is always in question, never fully explained and un-trustworthy. No clarity, no real answers so why not be short, sweet and to whatever point you wish to make.
    Doubt here alao leads us to question motives, either it be love or friendship, it's apparently short as well!
    Wonderful thought created here, just another example of good writing. You are a breath of fresh air here, so make a few new friends and stick around.
    Thanks for getting back to me, you are very welcome!
    | Posted on 2005-12-04 00:00:00 | by Clayton | [ Reply to This ]
      Yes I'm amused. It's almost perfect, with a great punch-line of a last stanza.
    I don't know if I'd expand it, I think it says everything it wanted to here.

    Very good, and well done

    be happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-11-22 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      I have friends like this, many in fact. Can't let them go.

    I should
    I should
    I should

    It gets so heavy at times....

    this cloak of obligation (of love? of what exactly is it?) we don, why we wear it, I'm not sure when I put mine on, and why it doesn't come off, but there it is. there it will stay. it defies logic, but holds my heart - and it bleeds me - always.....

    again, precisely put. nicely done.
    | Posted on 2005-11-11 00:00:00 | by glasshill | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a good start to what could become an excellent write
    Expand a litlle more on your feelings and why you should call him
    Let out some emotion
    You can do it
    If you do decide to revise it please let me know as id love to read it

    Take Care
    Ron

    Please if you get a chance take a look at some of my poetry and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    Ron
    | Posted on 2005-11-11 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      Concise,

    Yes. too short, no. doubt is well described. How many words do you need to describe and emotion? only a few if they are the right ones.

    I like the lyrical nature of the poem, although it adds to the brevity of the piece it makes it memorable. The rhyme scheme works well here as well, of course contributing to the lyrical nature of the piece. aacbbcddc, in near trochee's through out.
    | Posted on 2005-11-10 00:00:00 | by Car va g o | [ Reply to This ]
      At first i really didn't understand it. after thinking about how the ending could come into play with it all i began to notice a few perspectives that could lead me to understand it. thanks for sharing.
    | Posted on 2005-11-08 00:00:00 | by Cannablisjunkie | [ Reply to This ]
      I think i get what your saying. It seems like some sort of internal conflict going on in your head. Your really worried about this certain someone. Anyway, I like it. It's short and sweet and the absence of punctuation gives it this "bluntness", that makes it seem like you're somewhat confused or on the otherhand, you know exactly what you want to say.
    | Posted on 2005-11-08 00:00:00 | by London Tivona | [ Reply to This ]


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    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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