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I caught her looking from across the bar at first I had no smile for her she caught me off gaurd it occured to me she had your hair she was about to turn away my eyes betrayed interest my lips breached a smile after a few cocktails she seemed to look more like you she laughed at my worst jokes something you never did I whispered secrets in her ear that let my lips move soft along her neck and feeling lost and loose among the curls of her long hair the green apple scented shampoo recalled our past remember the basement apartment we slept two to a single no bath just a shower I'd shampoo you you'd condition me was it Herbal Essense? the two of us scrubbing each other our love was bright just then like a noon sun or lighthouse in a fog It was innocence wrapped in white before we tested the purity of red when blood ran between us like siamese twins the old photos I found by chance show us love clasped like blooming vines one around the other with blossoms firm and ripe entwined like strands I whisper foolishly: I want to feel myself welcomed amongst your curves until our borders merge… I wish I knew how to unmake these prison walls I am the blind architect of my faults, the desert is my palate its hues the tones of bone over meandering dunes the empty blue of the sky the grit between my teeth the iching thirst from out my throat with them I paint my bars Like an actor between staged walls you are sonorous murmurs of water bubbling in a pool- the dream of you in my palms makes me drink the air like a fool. she hears me speak arcs in yielding tones draws me into her emptiness I feel myself drown in half shades of what I want gasping for you wondering who she is trying to replace too |
Wow, this is so beautiful! I am a bit ashamed to admit that I've found myself get involved with someone before just because he reminded me of my first love. It was short term, probably for that reason. You look pretty buzzed in your photograph! Te, he... This write is so vividly descriptive and richly passionate. I'm so glad I read it. I wish I could write like this. | Posted on 2005-11-26 00:00:00 | by fo | [ Reply to This ] | I really liked this | I really like the way you broke up the poem to speak of one woman vs another Your write had great emotion and imagery I look forward to more of your writes Take Care Ron Please if you have a chance please take a look at some of my poetry and let me know what you think Thank You Ron | Posted on 2005-11-19 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ] | I get the impression that you are looking at one woman and thinking of another….this was not easy to read… it is a complex poem but I think it was worth the trouble…I am afraid I have no suggestions to improve it | ps I like the use of italics…. | Posted on 2005-11-10 00:00:00 | by ertha | [ Reply to This ] | This is a very passionate longing poem. I think this is very sensual and the desire is very well expressed. A couple suggestions in this. First, "curls" and "curled" are used in two consecutive stanza's here. Maybe a better word could be used in the second stanza to eliminate the use of curled in two consecutive stanza's? Then, I find myself a little confused in the final stanza. You mention she and you throughout this poem and I am unsure if you are speaking of the same woman or two different women. If they are different people, what is the significance of them? It would seem you are speaking of one woman but I find this to be a little confusing. Overall, I think this is very good and the longing is indeed felt in your words. Take care. | Lorna ![]() | Posted on 2005-11-09 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ] | |