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Solitary Confinement


Author: Car va g o
ASL Info:    35/M/NY
Elite Ratio:    7.84 - 180 /185 /45
Words: 415
Class/Type: Poetry /Longing
Total Views: 1523
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 3576



Description:


yes, two woman...


Solitary Confinement



I caught her looking from across the bar
at first I had no smile for her
she caught me off gaurd
it occured to me she had your hair
she was about to turn away
my eyes betrayed interest
my lips breached a smile
after a few cocktails
she seemed to look more like you
she laughed at my worst jokes
something you never did

I whispered secrets in her ear
that let my lips move soft along her neck
and feeling lost and loose among the curls of her long hair
the green apple scented shampoo recalled our past

remember the basement apartment
we slept two to a single
no bath just a shower
I'd shampoo you
you'd condition me
was it Herbal Essense?
the two of us scrubbing each other

our love was bright
just then
like a noon sun
or lighthouse
in a fog

It was innocence
wrapped in white
before we tested
the purity of red

when
blood ran between us
like siamese twins

the old photos
I found by chance
show us love clasped
like blooming vines
one around the other
with blossoms firm and ripe
entwined like strands

I whisper foolishly:

I want to feel myself
welcomed amongst your curves
until our borders merge…

I wish I knew how to unmake these prison walls
I am the blind architect of my faults,

the desert is my palate
its hues the tones of bone
over meandering dunes
the empty blue of the sky
the grit between my teeth
the iching thirst from out my throat
with them I paint my bars
Like an actor between staged walls

you are sonorous murmurs
of water bubbling in a pool-
the dream of you in my palms
makes me drink the air like a fool.

she hears me speak
arcs in yielding tones
draws me into
her emptiness
I feel myself
drown in half shades
of what I want
gasping for you
wondering
who
she is trying to
replace too




Submitted on 2005-11-08 23:17:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  Wow, this is so beautiful!
I am a bit ashamed to admit that I've found myself get involved with someone before just because he reminded me of my first love. It was short term, probably for that reason.
You look pretty buzzed in your photograph! Te, he...
This write is so vividly descriptive and richly passionate. I'm so glad I read it. I wish I could write like this.
| Posted on 2005-11-26 00:00:00 | by fo | [ Reply to This ]
  I really liked this
I really like the way you broke up the poem to speak of one woman vs another
Your write had great emotion and imagery
I look forward to more of your writes
Take Care
Ron


Please if you have a chance please take a look at some of my poetry and let me know what you think
Thank You
Ron
| Posted on 2005-11-19 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
  I get the impression that you are looking at one woman and thinking of another….this was not easy to read… it is a complex poem but I think it was worth the trouble…I am afraid I have no suggestions to improve it
ps I like the use of italics….
| Posted on 2005-11-10 00:00:00 | by ertha | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a very passionate longing poem. I think this is very sensual and the desire is very well expressed. A couple suggestions in this. First, "curls" and "curled" are used in two consecutive stanza's here. Maybe a better word could be used in the second stanza to eliminate the use of curled in two consecutive stanza's? Then, I find myself a little confused in the final stanza. You mention she and you throughout this poem and I am unsure if you are speaking of the same woman or two different women. If they are different people, what is the significance of them? It would seem you are speaking of one woman but I find this to be a little confusing. Overall, I think this is very good and the longing is indeed felt in your words. Take care.

Lorna
| Posted on 2005-11-09 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]


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