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Painted Black


Author: BleedingTears
ASL Info:    16/f/Neverland
Elite Ratio:    4.06 - 418 /289 /62
Words: 98
Class/Type: Poetry /
Total Views: 882
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 646



Description:


i guess i felt kinda off and like everything was painted black.


Painted Black



Three bleeding Tears, the fire of your eyes are burning deep inside you.
Puddle of blood beneath you
Your heart is bleeding the regrets of the song
Red crying tears falling from eyes
Your hypnotizing voice is working to my mind
But nothing can stop me now
So try convining me to someone new
But nothing can stop me now
All the words the voices speak that are inevitable
Are the things that are said and are irrevocable
No one can stop me now and the ways around me
The covered walls surround me
Everything painted...black.




Submitted on 2005-11-10 16:51:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  This was... good. I agree with others about the first line portraing an excelent image in my mind. But the imagrey just seems to .. fade away as the poem goes on. Was still really good, and it touched me on a deep level.
Keep up the good work!
~David~
| Posted on 2006-10-12 00:00:00 | by D.C.M. | [ Reply to This ]
  Definitely not your best, unfortunately. Like others said, the first line was great and then it just kinda... went down hill from there.

Stygian
| Posted on 2006-10-01 00:00:00 | by Stygian | [ Reply to This ]
  You have a good way with words but I have to agree with some of the others in saying that I just got lost it all. That tears line is pretty awesome though.
| Posted on 2006-01-05 00:00:00 | by ashlee_jane2003 | [ Reply to This ]
  "Three bleeding Tears, the fire of your eyes are burning deep inside you."- I think that would have to be my favorite line, it had such imagery. This is a good write, although a bit confusing it draws you in.
| Posted on 2006-01-04 00:00:00 | by sinister_always | [ Reply to This ]
  I feel this peice was "drowning". I say that only because from the opening line you painted an image so stern and of such liquid concentration that i felt almost like it was a chore to swim through the rest of the poem. I enjoyed some of the imagery that you portrayed but was somewhat dissappointed with the ending.

Keep writing.

~there is a sickness that is far more brutal than leprosy, it ensures fatality and remains blind to its own thalidomide presence-to its victims this sickness is known as-love~weepingprophet
| Posted on 2005-11-11 00:00:00 | by weepingprophet | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a really kool poem, i just have one question. What do you mean by 'three bleeding tears'? Is there a significance in that there are three of them? It bothered me, but otherwise i really liked this poem.
| Posted on 2005-11-10 00:00:00 | by Kane Martyr | [ Reply to This ]
  This reminds me of the song..."I have a blue room but i want to paint it black..i see a red door and i want to paint it black..."
Sorry I am having a unsympathizing day today cuz no one has responded to either of my two poetry posts... :(
| Posted on 2005-11-10 00:00:00 | by Numb | [ Reply to This ]
  Whoa, I love this poem, I'm adding to my favorites list! A very good write, your adjectives were used to near perfection. I'm glad that you wrote this poem, and I'm glad that I read it. Keep it up, and I hope to see more.
| Posted on 2005-11-10 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]


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