Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: didn't hurtdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ertha
    Elite Ratio:    4.35 - 124/135/24
    Words: 69
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1286
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 482



    Description:
       Once, when I was very young , about four years old, I watched a kid being bullied and wished he hadn't said ''didn't hurt''
    i am unsure about this poem ...that is why i have featured it


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsdidn't hurtdots
    -------------------------------------------


    didn't hurt
    said the kid
    with brimming eyes
    didn't hurt
    said the kid
    as he staggered backwards
    didn't hurt
    as a trickle of blood came from his lip
    didn't hurt
    as he felt the sting of the first betrayal
    didn't hurt
    as he loved without love returned
    didn't hurt
    as he faced his future
    oh no, it didn't hurt








    Submitted on 2005-11-10 18:44:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I think it says alot, it goes with our natural need to deny someone the satifaction of knowing that they hurt us. Of just denying them the notion that they brought us pain.
    We act strong and hold our heads up defiantly and mock them. We rebel with that statement.
    It says so much:
    didn't hurt
    as he faced his future
    oh no, it didn't hurt
    | Posted on 2006-01-05 00:00:00 | by Oddly Normal | [ Reply to This ]
      Ertha,

    Yea, I think we all regret saying that didn't hurt. I told my Dad that after one of his whippings. He made certain to correct the error.

    I think we may need say when we are hurt. It means the ones that love us may reach out to help. If we keep it unsaid, they may never know how much we need them.

    Nicely done.

    Chrystine
    | Posted on 2005-12-24 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]
      this is beautiful and simple, i think it speaks to so many of us...
    of course it hurt. how could it not? but sometimes our pride is all we've got to hold on to.
    | Posted on 2005-11-25 00:00:00 | by mordantveracity | [ Reply to This ]
      i felt this one. it really hit me straight in the chest. i feel like the i AM the kid. wow. this one is really good. i wish i could've captured all that hurt the way you did.

    fabulous job
    keep it up.
    i shall be reading all your work
    | Posted on 2005-11-16 00:00:00 | by hayl | [ Reply to This ]
      Thats so sad. Beautiful though. The descriptions are excellent, I could definitely feel it. My favorite line (which I also think it the saddest) is, "as he loved without love returned." I dont even know what else to say. Very powerful. Great job

    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2005-11-13 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      Another close to home one...

    Me and my brother had constant bully problems in elementary school. I got my ass kicked more times then I care to confess. It lingers, the outcast persona. It makes you cynical and distant.

    I like the word play and the repitition in the form. It sets up the for a knock out blow. But that is what is wanting. Have a look at Drift Wood. I think that kind of break would work really well here. And give you a forum to say it powerfully.
    | Posted on 2005-11-13 00:00:00 | by Car va g o | [ Reply to This ]
      Don't think I should be reviewing this one...

    but I will.

    I does hurt.

    "as he loved without love returned
    didn't hurt
    as he faced his future
    oh no, it didn't hurt"

    I'd change that last line to "it did hurt"
    and it hurt
    always
    every moment
    of every day
    for the rest of his life.

    but what would I know.....

    (told you I shouldn't be reviewing this one)
    | Posted on 2005-11-12 00:00:00 | by glasshill | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    80539

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry