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    dots Submission Name: just seeing youdots

    Author: lost and alone
    ASL Info:    19/F/Sandiego,CA
    Elite Ratio:    3.4 - 159/140/58
    Words: 85
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1118
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 556


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsjust seeing youdots

    You alway seem to make me laugh.
    No matter how I'm feeling.
    Even when I'm sick.
    Just seeing you,
    always seems to do the trick.
    Even as a friend,
    you always manage to,
    put me in a better mood
    Especially, when all I feel like doing
    is eating food.
    No matter where or when,
    I always seem to be,
    thinking about you.
    Your the first thing,
    that comes to mind
    when I wake up.
    And the last thing,
    I think about when
    go to sleep.

    Submitted on 2005-11-10 22:28:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Oh god. the end kills me i'm sorry to say i give it a >_< icki. It becomes a forced rhyme when you get to the food part and then it ends so funky?!?!?!?! I don't know what to say except I hope you have better stuff to come...
    | Posted on 2005-11-11 00:00:00 | by Numb | [ Reply to This ]
      it should continue and not stop right there and the line "Especially when...is eating food" was embarassing. You've got the flow but you don't use the right words.
    I myself ain't that good a poet but the comments above was not a critique, it was my honest way of writing my 1st impression.
    | Posted on 2005-11-11 00:00:00 | by obaid | [ Reply to This ]

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