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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Mardi Gras Maskdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: dycrain
    ASL Info:    56/F/U.S.A.
    Elite Ratio:    7.33 - 51/54/19
    Words: 74
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 760
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 637



    Description:
       Information for the poets that do not know, this form or style is called Tetracyts. It is a syllable poem with at least five lines. Count is 1,2,3,4,10.
    A double Tetracyt, syllable count the same (20 syllables within one verse, count goes like this,
    1,2,3,4,10,10,4,3,2,1, and so forth. You can make as many verses as you choose, following the one syllables and ten syllables back to back as shown within the double Tetracyt.
    Now as for how I wish for you to review, I would like your honest opinion as being earnest with my poetry I definitely appreciate. If this should be your poem, would you like to see it published? If it was published, and you ran across it while reading, would you want to stop and read or glance and turn page?
    This was derived from the poem, "The Many Faces of Man", thank you Daniel Barlow for your suggestion to lay down "The Many Faces of Man" because of this suggestion, I was able to pen the poem "Mardi gras Mask."
    Thank you for reading, and any words found that you would consider a different word, of course staying within the correct syllable count, will be greatly appreciated.

    God bless,
    Yvonne


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMardi Gras Maskdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Show
    masked face
    we adorn
    Frown indicates
    dread of rejections. Illusion is safe.

    Donning pompous mask, conceals, pushing life.
    Now, ask of id
    Who am I?
    Perplexed
    Feared.

    Smile
    Face truth
    Stay humble
    Life is joyful
    Allow light, reveal; this is the real me.

    Clarity begins, Mardi Gras face leaves.
    Understanding
    Rejections
    Surreal
    Growth

    Love
    With care
    Heart opens
    Inspiration
    Holy Grace, abiding within the heart.






    Submitted on 2005-11-11 06:55:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      To be honest, I don't like this poem either. I like most of the content and the inventive way you chose to show it. The problem as I see it is that you've gone from the confines of one form to the confines of another. Forms are great but it takes time to master them and I'm not seeing mastery here. I'd prefer this as freeverse or rhyme and meter but with more space...say 4 line stanzas with only the 2nd & fourth lines rhymed. I've written a lot of poems in that style in the past and I think it's a great form. Just one guy's opinion...and this effort is an improvement. You've got the same message across with fewer words and a great concept.

    DB
    | Posted on 2005-11-12 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      This is very interesting. I like the form and thank you for the description. I am unfamiliar with tetracyts so your description allowed me to appreciate the form here. You did a nice job with keeping the form as it should be with appropriate amount of syllables and also, your message is a good one. Such a complex subject when you think of all the many masks people wear everyday. It is sad that people cannot just be who they are and be real. The mask always comes off anyway, just a matter of how long it will take. Thanks for sharing this. Nicely done. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-11-11 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]


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    80602

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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