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Now We're Through

Author: crazygothchika
ASL Info:    15/f/oh
Elite Ratio:    2.36 - 21 /36 /9
Words: 209
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 815
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1246


well i wrote this poem last year. i was dating this kid and he broke up w/me. and i thought that he was cheating on me and shit like that. well please comment.

Now We're Through

You said that you really liked me
I said that I liked you too
I guess you didn't mean it
'cause now we're through.

You said that I was beautiful
and I believed you
I really wish that you ment it
but I guess you lied about that too
'cause now we're through.

You thought that I didn't trust you
but I did
I really really liked you
until you kissed that bitch.

I was a fool to think that I could stay with you forever
you sweet, cute, and a lying asshole too.

I liked you so much
but none of it matter's now
'cause we're through.

I wish that you were true to your word
your just like everyone else
leaving me alone
right when I need you the most.

I'm not mad at you
I just feel sorry for you
and the girls that you date too
I hope that you don't do this again
you don't know how much it hurts.

I was goin to try to kill myself
but i guess it wouldn't of matter
'cause we're through!

Submitted on 2005-11-11 11:14:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  I'm a little ticked at Shax, I'll tell you that much.

The poem itself had some good feeling in it, however, it seemed a little...caged, so to speak. Shax didn't need to be so stupid about the comment. However, I think maybe you tried to hard not to let out yourself in the writing. If you open up a tad more, I think that your writing will be really great!
| Posted on 2005-11-11 00:00:00 | by Raging Rain | [ Reply to This ]
  While writing try and be more open with your feelings, don't think about making sound good or having ryhm, just let everything flow. Your poems will come out alot better that way.

I'd suggest you work on this peice a bit, it's a good start but it needs more true feeling it in.

-Miss M.
| Posted on 2005-11-11 00:00:00 | by fightingirl19 | [ Reply to This ]
  There is no rhythm or rhyme to this...needs work...and don't forget to allow your true emotions to flow, don't plan so much.
| Posted on 2005-11-11 00:00:00 | by lost_escape | [ Reply to This ]
  This must have been the worst poem I have ever read! I'm at a loss for words, not because it was so great, no, but because it was so terribly written. Please try harder next time! Depressing poems are not your thing.
| Posted on 2005-11-11 00:00:00 | by _Shax_ | [ Reply to This ]
  I didn't really like this, I believe it is a vent for personal emotion that you should rather keep to yourself. I noticed a lot of typos in it to, the flow and rhyme was alright though, but it feels like the bad emotions are choking it, also try not to write in the first person, avoid using words like "me" and "I".

| Posted on 2005-11-11 00:00:00 | by Xystus | [ Reply to This ]

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