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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: lovely deathdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: stateXofXmind
    ASL Info:    18/F
    Elite Ratio:    2.09 - 29/49/21
    Words: 100
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 305
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 600



    Description:
       well if u dont get it i dont expect you to, is sopos to be like he just found out she died, and hes like just numb,and then lightning struck and he like comes back and doesnt believe shes dead...thats what it means


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotslovely deathdots
    -------------------------------------------


    In the day the stars turned gray,
    and the earth turned cold,
    the look on his face was pale and frightened,
    when the heavens cried out,
    and hell's unwanted souls came alive,
    and the look on her face was fierce and strong,
    when the love in her eyes seemed to fade,
    the heavens struck out in a violent flash,
    and he sprung to life, and ran to her,
    to respond to her,
    if only he had said it,
    oh the heartbreak she must have felt to die feeling unanted and unloved,
    if only he said
    "I love you too"




    Submitted on 2005-11-11 13:10:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Interesting dark write. And the name was absolutely wonderful. I like this piece. The way you wrote it gave it a unique and eerie feel.
    Hope thats what you were doing for you got.
    It was short and straightforward too, which is good.

    Keep up the good work.
    | Posted on 2006-03-18 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]
      I enjoyed this one, the focus of the emotion seemed to run rampid on this one. It was awsome. Thanks for the comment on my poems. Good fortunes to you. The Forsaken One
    | Posted on 2006-02-28 00:00:00 | by The_Forsaken1 | [ Reply to This ]
      i liked it ok. it felt like the end of the world. but then it turned out to be just two peoples end. the wording was good and creative, descriptive. i like when *hells unwanted souls* just the little phrase...it's so powerful..like what could hell possible reject and how bad can that be. it was alright. oh and to comment on XY's reply...poems don't have to rhyme. meh. i would have left it hanging a bit more at the end so it's more open to interpertation but that's just me and my style is probably a bit different then yours.
    | Posted on 2005-11-15 00:00:00 | by beth freese | [ Reply to This ]
      This had a weird, kind of sharp feeling to it that makes the reader envision everything that occurs in quick succession. I liked it a GREAT DEAL though, because of that. It adds more spice to the whole thing, and has a certain flavor that makes you come back.

    The spacing might need a tad bit of work, but it was great nonetheless.

    Raging Rain
    | Posted on 2005-11-11 00:00:00 | by Raging Rain | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't quite understand what this is about... Also I pretty much failed to find any rhyme in it, but it is very packed with emotion and feeling. The flow was also strange but the wording was great, very original, keep writing.

    ~XY~
    | Posted on 2005-11-11 00:00:00 | by Xystus | [ Reply to This ]
      Well i personally understood it rather well. It's a great write and very enjoyable. The dark feel to it is great, the words are simply perfectly written. Great job!

    Much love, Mandy!<33
    | Posted on 2005-11-11 00:00:00 | by the_forgotten | [ Reply to This ]



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