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Revelations


Author: RequiemOfDreams
ASL Info:    20/M/NJ
Elite Ratio:    3.5 - 97 /140 /38
Words: 186
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 1649
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1071



Description:




Revelations



I lied alone in bed at night, wondering of life
How alone I felt; how abandoned I had been
How he had found her, how she had found him
I lied alone at night, wondering of life
Vibes of desire shook my mind
Feelings of need drowned my body

I lied alone, wondering what was missing
I saw him with her; her with him
Knowing that something was missing
I thought, I pondered, I imagined
what is gone, what is missing?
A gap, in my heart, a rift in my brain
A void that you filled, but I did not know

He and her had become them
And still I wondered of life
Than my thoughts turned to us
Yes, we joke; yes, we kid
But we always had fun throughout the night
So as I sit here, next to you, I know we are right
To be together, you're my bridge across the rift
And you're my heartstring, to fill my void
Now I lie not alone, I lie with thoughts of you
Just wait... I'll prove my devotion is true




Submitted on 2005-11-11 15:23:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  This is a good look at the place of contemplation and the feeling of lost loves. You portray the aloneness and contemplation well.

I am a bit thrown off by the switch from third person to second person references. I am not real clear on what switches the him/her/them to you.

You begin talking to the reader and end up talking to someone else. You are alone and then suddenly they are sitting beside you. Maybe I am just thick in the head.

I like the poem and the wonderful images and feeling.

Chrystine
| Posted on 2005-11-12 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]
  I like this write
To me it sounded like you were seeing who had the most love in your heart and you decided on the one you were with
I believe this was the right choice

Very Good write

Take Care
Ron

And thanks for your recent comments My little sister is my rock
I thank God every day for bringing her into my life
Take Care
Ron
| Posted on 2005-11-11 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
  "vibes of desire shook my mind" I loved this line the most...great description and imagry. This was a great write overall and was easy to follow. I can't think of a complaint for this one...the flow was beautiful the structure was great. This seemed really personal and you invited the reader on in. This was a great capturing write and I hope u keep writing.
hope to read more from you soon.
Peace.
~JeSs
| Posted on 2005-11-11 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]


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