I lied alone in bed at night, wondering of life
How alone I felt; how abandoned I had been
How he had found her, how she had found him
I lied alone at night, wondering of life
Vibes of desire shook my mind
Feelings of need drowned my body
I lied alone, wondering what was missing
I saw him with her; her with him
Knowing that something was missing
I thought, I pondered, I imagined
what is gone, what is missing?
A gap, in my heart, a rift in my brain
A void that you filled, but I did not know
He and her had become them
And still I wondered of life
Than my thoughts turned to us
Yes, we joke; yes, we kid
But we always had fun throughout the night
So as I sit here, next to you, I know we are right
To be together, you're my bridge across the rift
And you're my heartstring, to fill my void
Now I lie not alone, I lie with thoughts of you
Just wait... I'll prove my devotion is true
| This is a good look at the place of contemplation and the feeling of lost loves. You portray the aloneness and contemplation well.|
I am a bit thrown off by the switch from third person to second person references. I am not real clear on what switches the him/her/them to you.
You begin talking to the reader and end up talking to someone else. You are alone and then suddenly they are sitting beside you. Maybe I am just thick in the head.
I like the poem and the wonderful images and feeling.
|| Posted on 2005-11-12 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ] || I like this write|
To me it sounded like you were seeing who had the most love in your heart and you decided on the one you were with
I believe this was the right choice
Very Good write
And thanks for your recent comments My little sister is my rock
I thank God every day for bringing her into my life
|| Posted on 2005-11-11 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ] || "vibes of desire shook my mind" I loved this line the most...great description and imagry. This was a great write overall and was easy to follow. I can't think of a complaint for this one...the flow was beautiful the structure was great. This seemed really personal and you invited the reader on in. This was a great capturing write and I hope u keep writing.|
hope to read more from you soon.
|| Posted on 2005-11-11 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ] |