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Author: angel_eyes9701
ASL Info:    24 F Salem, OR
Elite Ratio:    3.62 - 19 /33 /14
Words: 73
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 771
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 517



Description:


Not meant to have a real steady flow, broken a bit for broken and unsure thoughts. Keep that in mind when your reading it.


Unsure



Ever have you been unsure
Unsure of whats going on inside
Doubting if it's the right choice
Hiding Feelings you can't deny

The hurt and pain so deep within
Never forgetting damage that's been
Lies and betrayal more then not
Although I've tried, I've never forgot

Life Keeps going, time to move on
No more sorrow, the heartaches gone
A brighter light to guide my way
Happiness will come again someday




Submitted on 2005-11-11 15:59:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  This is a good expression of your feelings. I think at times, life makes all of us feel this way. Very confused and doubting yourself, your feelings and just look for answers that you never seem to find. I have a couple suggestions for you. This poem could benefit from some descriptions. The way it is now is very simple and direct and maybe that is how you intended which is fine. But the rhyme inconsistency is distracting from the poem. It should either be consistent or not cause as it is it disrupts from the flow of the poem. And I always like a title. Just my opinion, but it gives foundation to the poem, more meaning in a way. These are just my personal preference too. I do like how you express your feelings and allow the reader to relate to what you are saying. Needs a bit of work, but overall not bad. Take care.

Lorna
| Posted on 2005-11-13 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
  Use of caps is good

Lack of puncuation did not take away, given that each line was a separate thought

The concept is cliché, but this poem is not as whiny as most, which is refreshing.

There is some question in my mind about the consistance in rhyme. The first stanza is everyother line and the others are in abab format. Do you want to be consistent or not?
| Posted on 2005-11-11 00:00:00 | by watered_down | [ Reply to This ]
  I have to agree here with watered_down. The rhyme scheme hit me as well. Although it doesn't ruin the poem, the change in beat does make the reader stop, which is a disadvantage to a poem. This change in rhyme did not, however, bring down the content and I thought the piece was a rather good one. Not the most original topic, but it was your thoughts and the finishing verse gave the poem a great ending.

As for the writing, it seemed to be fine. The flow is really smooth, the wording nice and simple, and you stated exactly what you wanted to and got the point forward. It was a nice poem, well done.
| Posted on 2005-11-11 00:00:00 | by DeepDreamer2008 | [ Reply to This ]


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