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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: insects dont lovedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: andnow
    ASL Info:    19.f.wa
    Elite Ratio:    3.57 - 136/135/42
    Words: 100
    Class/Type: Poetry/BrokenHeart
    Total Views: 887
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 737



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsinsects dont lovedots
    -------------------------------------------


    You took her to shelter.
    An inlet forest nest.
    Underneath a leafy canopy,
    where the moonís rays
    center into a single spotlight.

    There, you danced in the stardust,
    with fireflies that flickered silver lanterns.
    She glided on heels like butterfly wings.
    Her silkworm dress reflected
    the radiance of your smile.

    As you waltzed,
    the crickets serenaded.
    You stepped in perfect unison.
    The grasshoppers joined on violin.
    The night was sincere symphony.

    She threw you away the next morning.
    Leaving only one thought on your mind;

    Why will the female praying mantis bite off her partnerís head?




    Submitted on 2005-11-11 16:40:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I just yesterday read a comeback that went like this: "I have the mating patterns of a praying mantis, if you don't stop right now, you will be eaten".

    It reminded me of that. Interesting topic, you appear to be a unique person.
    | Posted on 2008-03-10 00:00:00 | by orange | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the subject, it's unique, and that's admirable.

    The punctuation seems a bit choppy, as in the use of periods and commas is not as sparing as it could be. Read through the peice, pause at commas, stop at periods, and see how it reads to you.

    Reading a poem outloud tends to give much more insight into the flow of the thing. So try that and see how it suits you.

    Other than that, everything sorted out well, and the poem left a very sweet, possibly insect-flavored taste in my mouth.

    I'm glad you became a poet Kev.

    I most definately <3 you.

    ~KRG
    | Posted on 2006-02-07 00:00:00 | by Sheakhan | [ Reply to This ]
      WOW I LOVE THIS POEM!I'D HATE TO BE IN HIS SHOES, LOL. THIS IS AN UNUSUAL SUBJECT TO WRITE ABOUT AND I THINK YOU ARE VERY CREATIVE FOR THINKING OF IT. GOOD WRITE!
    | Posted on 2005-11-11 00:00:00 | by MMISS | [ Reply to This ]
      This was very interesting and unique - from start to finish! It's refreshing!
    I liked the style and the imagery - It reminded me of this book I had when I was young, "The Butterfly Ball & Grasshopper Feast".
    For the male mantis it's really getting "head" aye! he he he
    Love,Peace,Joy! tif
    | Posted on 2005-11-11 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


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