mmm, it needs a fair bit of work...it really depends what you want.
If you just want to say what you feel, it's fine, you get your point across ok. If you want to write poetry you need to fix a lot of things. Too many to tell you here.
If you really want to write really good poetry, start reading some of the classic poets, they'll head you in the right direction.
Sorry I can't be more helpful, but good on you for posting
Submission Name: fallen for you
