Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: fallen for youdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: smlaw
    ASL Info:    18/m/ny
    Elite Ratio:    4.48 - 56/37/10
    Words: 110
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 794
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 719



    Description:
       i know this isn't very good, it was just a quick right. any suggestions for improvement would be greatly appreciated!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsfallen for youdots
    -------------------------------------------


    the attraction is building
    you're consuming my mind
    i try to brush it off
    but you're one of a kind.

    i'm falling for you
    like a star from the sky
    and while you flirt back
    you want the other guy.

    i try to be blunt
    to make you realize
    but you're blinded him
    like a veil over your eyes.

    i knew this would happen
    without any fail
    but i'm so clueless
    how can i remove this veil?

    i'll do like before
    with others like you
    just try and brush it off
    and hide every clue.

    because it was inevitable for me to fall for you




    Submitted on 2005-11-11 21:41:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      mmm, it needs a fair bit of work...it really depends what you want.

    If you just want to say what you feel, it's fine, you get your point across ok. If you want to write poetry you need to fix a lot of things. Too many to tell you here.

    If you really want to write really good poetry, start reading some of the classic poets, they'll head you in the right direction.

    Sorry I can't be more helpful, but good on you for posting

    be happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-11-12 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    80688

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry