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Sour Wine


Author: Car va g o
ASL Info:    35/M/NY
Elite Ratio:    7.84 - 180 /185 /45
Words: 68
Class/Type: Poetry /Satire
Total Views: 1078
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 504



Description:


Exploring complete metaphors.


Sour Wine



save me!
it seems I have
turned in my bottle

sitting upright
on the shelf
for far too long

dust on my skin,
the label falling off

the luster of my red
becomes a muddy brown

who will drink me
with sour bouquet
and flat perfume?

is there nothing,
nothing
you can do?




Submitted on 2005-11-11 22:36:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  This poem sounds like my brother when he turned thirty. He was a little bitter about it... but no,not really sour...

This poem is very cute on the surface, I mean.. Woo, look here -we have a talking bottle of wine!
Below the surface though, it faces a whole lot of issues. It sounds like a lot of people... freaking out because they think that they are getting old, and worthless. They think they are reaching a stage in their life whre they will be placed on the shelf or heartlessly dicarded. They don't realize that the older they are the more they are worth.
Maturity in a wine is the equivalence of maturity in a human I guess, the more you have the more you are worth except to those people who don't really know about good wine or people at all.

This poem can be taken a littlle differently though.
I mean, you might assume that a person/ bottle of wine already knows that as it matures it improves. This bottle of wine however, may be realizing that for some reason it is not aging gracefully, instead getting worse as it gets older.

I was wondering about the use of italics in the first stanza, howeer I like it... it gives a visual aspect to the poem, the italics make the word "turned" stand out, and give the appearance that the word itself has been turned m inside-out or upside-down, or somehow different from all the other words surrounding it.

Hmm.. I'm not the biggest fan of the repetition of the word "nothing" in the last stanza, but anyway.. it's ssounds okay.. and I guess it gives an adge of desperation to the bottle's plea.
Well.. . I'm at the airport now.. I'm finally going to arrive home, I've been travelling for 7 days and I am exhausted! Lol.. that's my excuse if this comment is crap...

ciao bella

Penny
| Posted on 2005-12-07 00:00:00 | by barefootangel | [ Reply to This ]
  Heh. This is really amusing. The bottle of wine talking so seriously- great idea! I almost want to do something, I don't know what, to help it! Thanks for the read!

Kym
| Posted on 2005-11-26 00:00:00 | by kyml | [ Reply to This ]
  It's realyl quite funny, well it is a satire, that the wine thinks it's getting worse when aged wine is the best kind. I don't quite understand the reasoning behind italicizing "turned" in the first stanza...perhaps a meaning is lost on me, but anyway, i did like the peice.
| Posted on 2005-11-18 00:00:00 | by Mercy December | [ Reply to This ]
  
save me!
it seems I have
turned in my bottle

sitting upright
on the shelf
for far too long

dust on my skin,
the label falling off

the luster of my red
becomes a muddy brown

who will drink me
with sour bouquet
and flat perfume?

is there nothing,
nothing
you can do?

You have odd capitalizations in this piece... I refer to the word 'dust' actually. I also think that the judicious use of punctuation and spacing would work out better to let the reader in on your rhythm. This was just a revised edition for you to take or leave as you will. I also italicized 'turned' and 'nothing' as they seem to carry their own subtle inflections. And I elongated 'too long' into 'for far too long' - but that is purely subjective. What do you think of all this? Sorry if you take offence but I like suggesting revisions lol.

This is a very well-worded piece on what seems like the joys of old age lol. A great analogy I must say. And you said it with brevity and clarity.

A nice write, thanks.

Much love,
Morgana
| Posted on 2005-11-18 00:00:00 | by Morgana | [ Reply to This ]
  I read a quote today, but of course cannot find it now... but it went something like this - 'the genie will become defined by the bottle' - it stuck with me, and your poem reminded me of it.

we become definded by our suroundings (if we allow it I suppose). I could go very philosophical here, but the music playing is too relaxing....

as well I am drinking red wine, so I think you haven't turned, mearly aged - which can be difficult for some.

labels will come and go - be happy yours has peeled off ( I try to shed any that come my way); the dust on your skin is to be treasured, not all have a chance to accumulate it; and brown is a beautiful colour - of the earth, of life long lived, not to be regreted but to be celebrated. Sour over too sweet - yes a challenge, but most times worth it for sweetness is common. sourness - well that comes with experience and can often be softened.

flat perfume, you judge yourself to harshly - anything left to age will have the deepest perfume (bouquet being the correct term)...
(can you tell I grew up with wine?)

no one needs to help you, only yourself - you need to see yourself for what you are. ;-)
| Posted on 2005-11-12 00:00:00 | by glasshill | [ Reply to This ]
  Handy household tip number one..
if i had a bottle of wine on my shelf as bad as the one you describe...i'd use it to clean the drains..
| Posted on 2005-11-12 00:00:00 | by ertha | [ Reply to This ]
  You look more like a chilled bottle of Cavá to me
but if you feel that you are past your sell-by –date then this poem is a good metaphor….if somewhat hyperbolic
| Posted on 2005-11-12 00:00:00 | by ertha | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a good metaphor. I like how you have compared life to a bottle of wine. I dont see this as aging in bad way, as wine only becomes more valuable, and vintage with age. I see this more as a comparison of not living life to its potential. Sort of like becoming stale and dull, not seeking out fun and excitement, trying new things. The word that comes to mind the most is boring. This, to me, describes someone who is leading a boring lifestyle and is not happy, hence the word sour is used when describing its bouquet, and flat for its perfume. This could be interpreted in many ways, pertaining to life, and this is how I read it. To me, people become more interesting and more attractive as they get older. They have lived and learned and are more experienced. They see things differently in a more mature, seasoned way which only adds to the persons character. Anyway, a thought provoking and well done complete metaphor. Nice job with this. I have written one complete metaphor about a candle. Isnt it wonderful all the things you can do with this type of poem? Take care.

Lorna
| Posted on 2005-11-12 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
  I could take this as you speaking as the bottle of wine but I am sure that you had something else in mind.

My take on this is that aging is in progress here and that the older we get the less attractive and more sour we become. or maybe this is what it means.
Don't waste your time sitting around collecting dust and becoming sour in your life.
Enjoy life before its to late.

Nice metaphoric use of aging wine.

I can say this too. Fine wine gets better with age and so do we.

Respect and admiration

Clyde
| Posted on 2005-11-12 00:00:00 | by Wisdom Seeker | [ Reply to This ]
  okay, and this is just what I get from this, so don't feel insulted in anyway because of my strange interpretations.

I get the image of someone older, just realizing that they are aging and maybe even going through a mid-life crisis. The whole concept of a wine bottle and it loosing its luster and rich color, just gives me that image. Aging I guess is really what I get from this

ineresting write, if I saw this as it was meant to be, good job! I liked the metaphor!

-mystmaker
| Posted on 2005-11-11 00:00:00 | by MystMaker | [ Reply to This ]


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