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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Your hurtfull waysdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: my pain
    ASL Info:    16/F/aust
    Elite Ratio:    5.55 - 191/123/39
    Words: 107
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 958
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 667



    Description:
       this poem i wrote a while back....i hope you like it.
    (my boyfriend put it on his site)
    ++My Pain++


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsYour hurtfull waysdots
    -------------------------------------------


    i was so scared of the fate i had to face,
    i wanted to go away to a better place.
    in-away from you,
    And your hurtfull ways.

    Your hate for me burned bright in your eyes,
    But your smile made me believe in your lies.
    And the knife you pushed in my hand,
    Had glistened so despairingly.

    The screaming voise inside my head,
    Repeated everything you had said.
    You would never wipe away my tears,
    And everthing then became so clear.

    You knew i couldn't handle it,
    But you just gave me more shit.
    You never understood,
    Why i hid the way i did.




    Submitted on 2005-11-11 23:02:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i really really like it. there's nothing really bad about it besides some typos. it has alot of emotion in it. keep up the good work kid.
    | Posted on 2005-11-12 00:00:00 | by crazygothchika | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really good! It's woderfully written. except maybe for the typos,"voise" shouldn't it be "voice"?? but apart from that I really can't see any more mistakes. Keep up the good work! :). I would love to see more of your pieces, can't wait!
    _shax_
    | Posted on 2005-11-12 00:00:00 | by _Shax_ | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, this is really good! It is really full of feeling and emotion, and portrays it wonderfully. If I were you I'd change
    "repeated everything you had said to"
    "repeated everything that you had said"
    but it's just a suggestion. Also watch out for typos "screaming voise" should rather be "screaming voice". More than that I can't say, good job keep it up.
    | Posted on 2005-11-12 00:00:00 | by Xystus | [ Reply to This ]


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    80699

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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