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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: my fearsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: my pain
    ASL Info:    16/F/aust
    Elite Ratio:    5.55 - 191/123/39
    Words: 94
    Class/Type: Poetry/Cutting or Mutilation
    Total Views: 937
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 598



    Description:
       ok well this was my first poem that i wrote, this one is also on my boyfriends account...hipe u like it


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsmy fearsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The pain, the tears,
    Everything is screaming.
    I hide behind my fears,
    To scared to let them shine within me.

    I want to understand,
    Why i never grin.
    And find the courage to ask...
    Did i commit a sin?

    Long have i walked this darkned road,
    Forgotten and lost for eternity.
    Falling faster then i ever knew,
    Where all the hopes of humanity.

    i forever hold that shining blade,
    And watch it cut my pale skin.
    But never once did my life start to fade,
    The way i wished it did.




    Submitted on 2005-11-12 04:21:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      again, you managed to put an image into the reader, which happens to be me's, mind and so the poem is good
    i have been noticing that many of your poems have spelling mistakes and i think that it is very important to correct them
    good job
    john*

    4/5
    | Posted on 2006-01-10 00:00:00 | by abuzzbuzz92 | [ Reply to This ]
      ok its ia good poem i think.. becuase it has ryhthm and u express your feelings well... i guess i like it .. but .. well...maybe it cna be improved .. maybe with some other details
    ok... i like this part f your poem :

    "Long have i walked this darkned road,
    Forgotten and lost for eternity.
    Falling faster then i ever knew,
    Where all the hopes of humanity."

    it put different pictures in miy mind.. and thats is excellent !
    keep on writing and
    peaace and love
    victor!
    | Posted on 2005-12-09 00:00:00 | by vitoko | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this poem very much so.For all I can relate and feel the same way.This is how I feel in a few words.This write...to me...was incredible.Keep up the good work.

    [-Candace-]
    | Posted on 2005-11-12 00:00:00 | by ArtichokeMosher | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow! This is really good! I loved how you described your fears so clearly! So full of emotion and pain.
    there is nothing I can correct you on!
    Loved it, keep up the good work!

    _shax_ :)
    | Posted on 2005-11-12 00:00:00 | by _Shax_ | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a good poem. i like it. i like how you explain your emotions. there's nothing that could tell you to fix. keep up the good work though!
    | Posted on 2005-11-12 00:00:00 | by crazygothchika | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a great poem. i understand your pain. I do hope you feel better. I love the last stanza. I always say the last part has to be the best. After reading it you kinda go: WOW! I wrote a poem: Darkness, hope u read it.
    Much love
    | Posted on 2005-11-12 00:00:00 | by PinkFairy | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, this is very powerful stuff, i hope that if u r feeling this way u can talk to someone, this piece really comes from the inside, it is very descripitive. keep it up and let your self shine through your work, everything will be ok
    | Posted on 2005-11-12 00:00:00 | by dark silence | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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