Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Darkest Prison


Author: crazygothchika
ASL Info:    15/f/oh
Elite Ratio:    2.36 - 21 /36 /9
Words: 298
Class/Type: Poetry /Serious
Total Views: 799
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1880



Description:


What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?


Darkest Prison



Looking back on a time and place
seeing a childs innocent face.

Knowing that things aren't as they appear
for inside she cries silent tears.

Deep inside she is filled w/pain
she feels dirty and full of shame.

Innocence lost at a very young age
locked this child in a pain filled cage.

There is no freedom or escape
for the fact that this child was raped.

While the guilty man is roaming free
this child is sentenced to eternity.

Eternity locked away w/all this shame
she can't help but feel that she was to blame.

Even though common sense says that it was not her fault
she can't seem to help from having these thoughts.

What ifs' keep running through her mind
she keeps going back to that day and time.

If there isn't something different that she could of done
why didn't she scream or at least try to run?

Fear kept her frozen to the spot
while this grown man did what he should of not.

Shame and fear made her keep the silence
kept her telling anyone about the violence.

The thing that is shocking beyond belief
is that this child could not get any relief.

The same thing happened again and again
the first one was only the began.

More then one man did his worst
none of them caring about the child that they hurt.

After the first time it was easy to tell
was it her pain and shame that they could smell?

W/every touch a part of her dies
everynight b/c of this she cries.

Now she is in a prison that has no gate
everyone of them sealing her life....her fate!




Submitted on 2005-11-12 09:26:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  this was awesome. you are a very good writer. this is full of emotion, very strong...i don't know what to say about this, except replace the w/ with with...haha...yea...good work though. you have talent.

-Nathan
| Posted on 2005-11-13 00:00:00 | by Podenco del infierno | [ Reply to This ]
  this is a very hard subject to write about and you did quite a good job of it. you managed to keep a bare yet intense emotion in the words without pushing it into maudlin. good job. i would replace the short forms with the proper words
| Posted on 2005-11-12 00:00:00 | by auntwheezie | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



80728