The red drops flow so smoothly,
Against my porcelain skin,
Making others shudder,
While just releasing what’s within.
What you see as mutilation,
Doesn’t cause me pain,
For as the tears flow from your eyes,
Mine flow from my veins.
| I know I commented this before under my old name, but I want to comment again.|
This poem has always been my favorite poem that you've written and it always will be. I want to cry when I read it because it brings back so many memories. Sometimes I want to cut after I read it, but most of the time I don't. I have this poem taped to one of my notebooks. I love it. This is truly your best work.
|| Posted on 2006-02-17 00:00:00 | by bloody_carebear | [ Reply to This ] || Very twisted, very simple, very relatable. |
The twistedness I like, because as a reader I prefer to not read about happy go lucky [censored]. As a writer I like it even less. Bleeding is entertaining both to read about and to expirience, is it not? *light chuckles*
The simplicity of this leaves a little too much to the imagination. You use imagery well with this but the question stuck in my mind is "why are you cutting?" You should elaborate on this, giving your poem more filling.
I like the way you spaced allof it out, that made it alot easier to read than my comment, lol. I'm suprised that sucha short poem inspired me to write such long critique, but then again I am trying to be as helpful as possible. hoep this was helpful
|| Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by ThisIsReal | [ Reply to This ] || nice choice. brings back memories. obviosly u can related to someone who did this before... but u have a good understanding of it. |
it caught me off guard the damage i done to my wrist.. blood was gushing every where. im like.."oh [censored]!" haha. was just laughing uncontrollably to see their absolute shock and disgust.
keep up the good work
|| Posted on 2006-01-22 00:00:00 | by vohomegirl | [ Reply to This ] || sry about that i ment to say you hold the key not suicide. seeing how i just read it. i'll read more of the poems as well if i have the time, b/c right now i'm in school so i only have a little time. but if i don't get to them today i'll get back to reading them on tuesday.||| Posted on 2006-01-13 00:00:00 | by disturbedx1000 | [ Reply to This ] || Wow i love this poem so much its short but gets straight to the point this is definitly goin on my favourites list i dont think that anyone should be able to critisize this poem @ all. the last two lines are the best as they go together really well and give the reader an image (or they did me) anyway keep writing i'd love to read more of your poems.|
|| Posted on 2005-11-17 00:00:00 | by fallen_angel384 | [ Reply to This ] || Wow! i actually liked this one alot! i think this is a good one! a little in a poem can bring out alot of emotion and thats what this one did and i like that alot! good job you did great!|
|| Posted on 2005-11-16 00:00:00 | by Suicidalchild51 | [ Reply to This ] || Less is more. You have achieved a great deal of imagery in this piece. I would love to read more of your work. Keep writing!||| Posted on 2005-11-14 00:00:00 | by Illuminati | [ Reply to This ] || I don't think it was one of your best either i think it ended to soon. Other than that it was good. The flow was neat and and you keep the rhyme sceme good so it was a over all good poem. And about the length i'd understand if that's as long as you could make it cause i've written some pretty short poems in my life lol.|
|| Posted on 2005-11-14 00:00:00 | by Poeticprincess | [ Reply to This ] || i liked the ending, it seems kind of cold, and impersonal, yet a perfect ending to the poem...This is very good.Cutting has become very common, and i know i can relate...it seems like one of those bitter-sweet adddictions, it helps yet it hurts...and somehow, that very pain sets you free.||| Posted on 2005-11-14 00:00:00 | by camoflage | [ Reply to This ] || this peice was very good... it needs no correction what so ever... and you said it was not one of your best? it is very good... nothing to change... nothing to correct... it is very good... enjoy||| Posted on 2005-11-14 00:00:00 | by Esophagus1 | [ Reply to This ] || small but- oh good ill say! u r talented id have to say awesome going - i really like it- illl add it to my fav! :)|
:) Me xx
|| Posted on 2005-11-14 00:00:00 | by MysterydarkPoet | [ Reply to This ] || It blows my mind. You're really talented. I honestly wouldn't change a thing about it. The poem is so simple, yet complex. I love how you can describe so much in so few words. That's a talent that's born, not learned. Great job on the write. Thanks for posting on my site, too. I appreciate it. Please, keep in touch. I would love to get to know you better. |
|| Posted on 2005-11-14 00:00:00 | by Ashleigh Mari | [ Reply to This ] || well, Actually this is extremely well written. However, I have a deep seated aversion to a person mutilating themself for whatever reason. I sincerely hope you wrote this as a matter of fact subject matter, not personal experiance. The poem itself is excellant, easy to read, the body is meaningful and the ending puts it together. A testament to your talent, again hopefully, this isn't about a personal experiance of yours. |
|| Posted on 2005-11-12 00:00:00 | by BenCollier | [ Reply to This ] || This was very good, and very true for the most part. I can totally relate, when I did cut I felt that it was my way of crying. I could never cry, but I could always cut. Others did "shudder" but it never hurt me, it was just a release.|
Fantastic Peice, keep up the great work.
|| Posted on 2005-11-12 00:00:00 | by fightingirl19 | [ Reply to This ] || This is a great, but sad, write. I cant stand my own blood, so cutting not my thing, but you capture the emotion involved very well. Good job, Numb.|
|| Posted on 2005-11-12 00:00:00 | by Kane Martyr | [ Reply to This ] || it may not be considered one of your best by you but i got shivers reading it which is something. i don't normally enjoy or even read poems on self-mutilation but i will definitely remember this and I am glad I read it.||| Posted on 2005-11-12 00:00:00 | by auntwheezie | [ Reply to This ] || Oh man, I had tingles going through my skin and my old scars. |
Do not change anything about this poem. It's simple, sweet, and it has a lot of emotion from so few words.
|| Posted on 2005-11-12 00:00:00 | by xbleedxforxmex | [ Reply to This ] || This poem gave me shivers and I loved it so much!!! It describes the pain in life and how diffrent people she their tears of pain!!! AWESOME!!!|
|| Posted on 2005-11-12 00:00:00 | by ArtichokeMosher | [ Reply to This ] || I can not say that I am able to relate to this particular subject but this piece, itself, is very good. My fav. lines were the last two. I found this to flow well with each line (although the piece is short) & I don't see how this could be improved.||| Posted on 2005-11-12 00:00:00 | by Tonya V. | [ Reply to This ] || wow kid thats awsome. i love love love it. lol. its alot of emotion. when i used to do that thats how i felt. well im goin to add it to my favs. if you dont mind. keep up the good work.||| Posted on 2005-11-12 00:00:00 | by crazygothchika | [ Reply to This ] || even though it is short it deffinatly gets the message across, the pain in this is enough to make the reader feel a little of it as well, i'd have to say that your final 2 lines realy did the job in suming it all up, great write.|
|| Posted on 2006-01-13 00:00:00 | by disturbedx1000 | [ Reply to This ] |