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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Interpreterdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    57/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2777/1297/258
    Words: 102
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 598
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 818



    Description:
       What challenges does language offer when technical proficiency outstrips inspiration? Words mean nothing without profound emotion to lend them dignity, otherwise they become nothing more than sounds, as hollow as those who write them. You may or may not agree. Tell me what you think, I'll tell you what I know.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsInterpreterdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow...

    Lips that pistol whip
    linguists to death,
    firing well rounded shells,
    sonic cannonades for
    full effect, slaughter the
    bystanders indignant ear
    lay waste the indigent
    with indifferent care;
    while staccato blasts of
    well-timed, half-rhymed
    kamikaze phrases slice
    flesh from bone, stripping
    the slim masks of imperial faces,
    flay the cruel joke with an
    ivory grin, pastel splashed
    applause, the new world spins.

    Pardon me as I wrap
    myself in flesh leprous
    as a snow white, dismembered
    tress. Forgive me, I must
    slip on supple, newborn skin
    fresh metaphors, sweet
    similies for dancing in.
    And then...




    Submitted on 2005-11-12 10:05:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Hi,
    I wonder at your line breaks. You don’t adhere to meter, so why break L4 & 5 as you have, instead of “sonic cannonades for full effect / slaughter bystanders...” (I feel the “the” only detracts from the impact.) Similarly, the end of the stanza, “the new world spins” might sound better as a separate line. As for your description, I must disagree with, “Words mean nothing without profound emotion to lend them dignity.” I believe it is form that dignifies emotion, and emotion that humanizes the form. Both are needed.
    I would love to hear your thoughts on all this. By the way, I almost forgot to mention the obvious: Nice work.
    fred
    | Posted on 2005-11-17 00:00:00 | by fredmelden | [ Reply to This ]
      WOW! Can it go any deeper then this? This was beyond anything I have every seen. you really gave me something to read huh? I am over here in awe! Simply amazing!

    I think that you used language and metaphors like they should be used. This write definitely has life and a heart beat.

    Your talents are above and beyond!

    Great job!

    Li li
    | Posted on 2005-11-14 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very good poem. Your words are well expressed and concise in your ideas. Your point is very good as well. I must agree with you. I would call it emotions but also passion. I think that without the passion behind the words then they are indeed empty and hollow. Even throwing in all fancy style and metaphors cant hide lack of feelings. Passion must come alive in writing. It gives the reader something to grasp and appreciate. This is very well written. Nice work here. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-11-14 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      I think you meant tomorrow in between the other two tomorrow's, by the way... just a little typo that I noticed.

    Ok, I'm gonna debate with you on this one, since you so nicely asked lol. You talk about technical proficiency and the sonics of a piece... these are very important tools in my opinion. Don't get me wrong, emotion is a higher priority... but... without being legible or understood (technically) or having inherent flow or euphonics in a piece (sonics) that piece is going to fall flat on its arse, for want of a better phrase.

    Which introduces me to intellect. Something totally different to emotion, the other side of the coin if you will. Now that is one of my views, that poetry can also be a vehicle for profound thoughts that can be anywhere on philosophy/religion, art/literature, hell - mathematic theorums even... it's the originality and freshness of expression that matters to me. And these are subjects which you could quite easily make devoid of emotion. Because it deals with the brain and not the heart.

    So that was what I was trying to say... that a lot of people think poetry should solely be about emotion... when they fail to see the whole picture... that it can be about anything the hell they want... for restrictions are fetters and chains and chokeholds around your neck. And stagnation results if you don't change.

    But that's my opinion, my rebuttal if you will.
    *Ponders* Yep. I think so. Hahah.

    Good piece.
    It was worth throwing my two cents in lol.

    Peace,

    Jase
    | Posted on 2005-11-14 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]
      nice. no lack of emotion here. this part was worth repeating. I read it several times.

    slaughter the
    bystanders indignant ear
    lay waste the indigent
    with indifferent care;

    and the ending, perfect.

    Forgive me, I must
    slip on supple, newborn skin
    fresh metaphors, sweet
    similies for dancing in.
    And then...

    which leaves us wanting to hear more! I enjoyed this one thoroughly.
    | Posted on 2005-11-12 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
      I like It.

    The words are well chosen, rich and thick. It is a tight and intense read.

    I also like your introduction.

    I think words can be emotionless... but they certainly aren't in this piece.

    Well done!
    Chrystine
    | Posted on 2005-11-12 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]
      I understand what you mean when you say that emotion is more important than the devices you use. Really good poem, seriously awesome. I wish I could have a critique, this site seems to demand them, but I see nothing wrong with it. The words flow perfectly. Great originality.

    Candice
    | Posted on 2005-11-12 00:00:00 | by punkgrunger27 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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