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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: "Your Wish Is My Command"dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: PrettyRicki
    ASL Info:    19
    Elite Ratio:    3.71 - 29/49/11
    Words: 373
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 816
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2358



    Description:
       Its that real hard time right after a break up...dramatic, tragic and your more than confused...when you feel like theres only that "one" way out...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots"Your Wish Is My Command"dots
    -------------------------------------------


    “Your Wish Is My Command”
    By: Ricki


    Take a look in my eyes
    And tell me what u see
    “This guys hurtin so bad,
    That much is evident to me.”

    He pushes you away
    And seems ignorant as hell
    Like trust is a major issue,
    This much, I can tell

    But that’s the way I want it
    Don’t want it no other way
    Errbodys an enemy,
    And that’s all I got to say…

    The pasts been fucked up
    In all aspects of the word
    Relationships str8 gone
    Their voices no longer heard

    Been cheated on, lied to
    And spit in the face,
    Got hate so strong,
    Just lemme give em a taste

    Its all way too much,
    And I ain’t made for this shit,
    Just lemme take it away
    Go back and erase it

    Take away the pain,
    All the tears that Ive cried,
    Look atchu in your face,
    And wave your pussy ass goodbye

    Take those last steps,
    As I walk off your front door
    Tryin so hard not to look back,
    Even though my hearts so damn sore

    I did it, your gone
    But now what do I do?
    Cuz now, errtime I think,
    Im thinking of you

    Why you had to do this,
    After all this time?
    Puttin your feelings first,
    Not once thinking of mine

    God damnit this hurts,
    I just wantchu to see,
    Just a small portion of the heartache
    That for so long, you’ve brought me

    As I sit back and think
    I realize theres no solution,
    For these things thatchu done to me,
    Are forever permanent pollution

    The cold feeling of metal
    Just sittin in my hands
    You always wanted me gone,
    Now your wish is my command

    Open up the chamber,
    And stick one or two in,
    These 9mm Lugers,
    Are soon to be my best friend

    Lock and load,
    Time to handle my business,
    Been struggling way too long
    And its finally time to end this

    Take the safety off,
    Put the barrel to my head,
    God, please forgive me for my sins,
    Cuz 1…2…3…Im DEAD!!!











    Submitted on 2005-11-13 00:28:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is a powerful poem. Very emotional and you have done a good job with expressing this kind of feeling and the strength of this emotional state. I think we have all been here at some point, in varying degrees, and it most certainly sucks. The ending here is quite dramatic and it was unexpected until I actually read the lines which is good. However, I have always said, nobody is worth that. This is a very good poem. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-11-17 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      Now you know, I got to show my boy some love, yo. Dis [censored] is mad hot, yo. It keeps you on da edge of yo seat, and the endin is what really gets you, fa'real. I'm enjoyin watchin you write, man. It's mad hot. Keep it up - you got a talent, man.
    | Posted on 2005-11-15 00:00:00 | by K-Beezy | [ Reply to This ]
      i was all getting ready for a love poem...thinking hmmmm your wish is my command?? then BAM!

    you hit us with a piece that just makes you wanna rip your heart out!

    "I did it, your gone
    But now what do I do?
    Cuz now, errtime I think,
    Im thinking of you"

    this is very heartfelt and emotional..and i dont even want to talk about the kind of emotion that leads to that ending...i really like the flow of this...looking forward to seeing more!

    -Nikki
    | Posted on 2005-11-15 00:00:00 | by stolie77 | [ Reply to This ]
      You're right sometimes a heartache can be so bad you just wish death would kiss you...but as I'm told life does go on...memories remain but the love fades...yadda yadda yadda *shrug*

    This one had good flow...loved the imagery even if i did cringe at the end (I recently watched a good friend bury her baby brother over break up induced suicide)

    now I'm off to read the next chapter to this saga...

    Tina
    | Posted on 2005-11-15 00:00:00 | by Brownsdelight | [ Reply to This ]
      Do you have your gun card? LMFAO!

    You are dangerous with that thing! I will try my hardest not to piss you off! PROMISE!

    I can really relate to a lot of what you say. I just exposed my temper here a few moments ago on site.

    All I can say...is that I have learned...you can pull yourself through any situation. No matter who does what to who or whatever...you must always look at yourself with ful approval.

    I am fully 100% impressed with your talents. Yes in deed!

    MUCH PROPS!

    Li
    | Posted on 2005-11-15 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]


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