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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: SRO for the Poetry Showdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: beatthedrum
    ASL Info:    55- F - Southern CA USA
    Elite Ratio:    4.18 - 881/810/122
    Words: 191
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 1094
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1345



    Description:
       It is about poetry. It is a piece in the vein of Metaphor Whore.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSRO for the Poetry Showdots
    -------------------------------------------


    It was SRO
    for the poetry show
    that featured
    a bawdy bard
    of a broad.
    Her advertised and
    anticipated reaction
    was to raise
    a dead desire:
    resurrecting the life
    of love with
    one part revival
    and another
    strip tease.

    She preferred verse
    that was in their faces
    which barred no holds
    or exotic configurations.

    As she recited her poems
    the words became
    luscious, decadent,
    and delicate lap dancers.
    The exhibitionist
    vulgar vocabulary
    slowly slipped off
    its pretentious attire,
    extending the titillation
    and jiggling in the raw.

    The audience smiled,
    delighted and tightened
    with excitement
    at the way
    the naughty words
    shimmied, swayed,
    teased and played.
    The rowdy crowd
    rewarded each poem
    with applause,
    hoots and shouts.

    As they always do,
    this night ended too soon.
    The listeners left.
    Many arrived home
    and found a pen
    in an attempt
    to satisfy themselves.

    Still others embraced
    their spouses,
    whispering about poetry
    and love.




    Submitted on 2005-11-13 07:53:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      you reminded of something I just read last night -

    "This is a poetry we are seeking, corroded, as if by acid, by the labours of man's hand, pervaded by sweat and smoke, reeking of urine and of lilies soiled by diverse professions in and outside the law.
    A poetry a impure as a suit or a body, a poetry stained by food and shame, a poetry with wrinkles, observations, dreams .....hatred, beasts, blows, idylls, manifestos, denials, doubts .... the poetic product will be stamped with the .... scars of teeth and ice slightly consumed by sweat and war...." -Pablo Neruda -

    it goes on much longer, but its gorgeous about poetry from your gut. I love it, and it seems to be the kind of poetry your friend in this poem reads, the only kind worth listening to if you ask me (but what to I know?)

    the only thing I would suggest is you have made it like an erotic dance - but maybe you have held yourself back a little? why not really dance with it, it seems to still be held in check emotionally - I can't make suggestions how, but I think if you wanted to you could really open it up and make it much more powerful.
    | Posted on 2005-12-14 00:00:00 | by glasshill | [ Reply to This ]
      Ok, I do this because I simply love your work. THIS WAS SO DIRTY! LMAO, just kidding, I loved it. Your portrayed poetry in a way I never thought of it before. When you write, you really are truly nked, and they are seeing the inside from the outside, and the words to bring out some desire in you because you get to see the whole deep person, and you see them in a way of new ligh. Also, there are more than one ay to celebrate poetry, and that was in the last stanza with the others embracing the spouses, and the play on words is so fun, and I have to say only a true poet could embrace it, and turn it inside out as you just did. Sorry for the next dirty lines, but you are naked, and you are beautiful. Take care.
    Peace and much love,
    Aya
    | Posted on 2005-11-23 00:00:00 | by EmpathicAya | [ Reply to This ]
      Chrystine you are a wonder!
    This poem s so witty and clever ..I just love
    the picture it paints….and it is so true
    words do seduce

    As she recited her poems
    the words became
    luscious, decadent,
    and delicate lap dancers.
    The exhibitionist
    vulgar vocabulary
    slowly slipped off
    its pretentious attire,
    extending the titillation
    and jiggling in the raw.

    and this last part is so funny and naughty
    it put a smile on my face that won't go away
    it is just so clever I wish I had written it

    Many arrived home
    and found a pen
    in an attempt
    to satisfy themselves.

    Still others embraced
    their spouses,
    whispering about poetry
    and love.


    | Posted on 2005-11-20 00:00:00 | by ertha | [ Reply to This ]
      Chrystine
    You captured a lot of feelings deep inside me with this write

    This write made me want to write with more emotion so people just dont listen and applaud poetry they think of the message so it can better there lives
    I really think you touched on an excellent theme with this write
    Great Job!
    Ron
    | Posted on 2005-11-19 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      Chrystine
    You captured a lot of feelings deep inside me with this write

    This write made me want to write with more emotion so people just dont listen and applaud poetry they think of the message so it can better there lives
    I really think you touched on an excellent theme with this write
    Great Job!
    Ron
    | Posted on 2005-11-19 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      Excellent plus for this one Chrystine!

    You set the story up well in the first couple of lines, jiggle the reders' emotions with the titillating performance, then i simply loved the way you ended it.

    My only pick was maybe a typo "bared no holds" did you mean "barred no holds?"

    Otherwise I thought it was perfect.

    Well done indeed, a fabulous idea, and well presented

    be happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-11-13 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      this is great Chrystine! i remember Metaphor
    Whore and really enjoyed that one too.

    i love the bawdiness here. you make the words
    and the poem come alive. "delicate lap dancers" is great. you show here how poetry can inspire, how
    the words can find their way into our heart and soul.

    great work!

    peace,
    ~Cat
    | Posted on 2005-11-13 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      I thought everyone knew that SRO is standing room only but maybe it's just us older folks! This was a nice little venture into what a slam is like. I've never been to one but I really should sometime. I did go to a poetry reading at my university which was pretty good so I imagine slams are even more exciting. I like the way your words undressed themselves. nice write.
    | Posted on 2005-11-13 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
      Very interesting write...i really like it overall but i think it loses its flow/meter and im not sure if its just the way i read it or not...btw what is SRO? lol attempting to figure this out distracted me the first time i read through lol...stormy
    | Posted on 2005-11-13 00:00:00 | by stormyskies | [ Reply to This ]


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