Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

She Died With His Love


Author: crazygothchika
ASL Info:    15/f/oh
Elite Ratio:    2.36 - 21 /36 /9
Words: 428
Class/Type: Poetry /Depressed
Total Views: 955
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 2578



Description:


What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?


She Died With His Love



She lays there in the darkness
thears streaming down her face
she wishes that she could find a way
to leave this awful place.

She's sick of all the heartache
sick of all his lies
she wants to get away from him
but all she can do is cry.

He scared her heart forever
with out a single care
he left her for another
her fragile heart to spare.

Now she sits and wonders
how will she get through
she thinks about it for awhile
then she decides what she'll do.

She'll forget about him
erase their days of joy
he isn't worth it
her heart is not a toy.

So she stopped her crying
away with all the tears
she'll find a new love
and forget about the past years.

But the first time that she saw him
with a new love by his side
she slipped back into sadness
but kept it all inside.

When she got home that night
she got out some paper and a pen
to write out notes
to all her family and friends.

She told them that she was done
living with all this pain
and told them that she loved them
but had nothing left to gain.

Then she went to the closet
and got out her moms gun
she whisperd softly to herself
"the pain is almost done".

She pulled the trigger
her life was now at its end
in a pool of blood she laid
until her mom walked in.

At first her mom was speechless
and then she fell and cried
how could she ever believe
that her little girl had just commmited suicide.

A few days later at the funeral
he slowly came through the door
he couldn't look at anyone
he just stared at the floor.

He knew that he was the reason
that she took out that gun
he knew that he was the reason
that her life was now done.

He walked up to the casket
and said that he was sorry
I never would of guessed that you
felt this strongly towards me.

He lifted his head
and looked straight up above
he heard her whisper back
"I died with out your love"!



















Submitted on 2005-11-13 10:45:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  Great work ... i really likke thats why im gonna put this on my fav ... good structure ...
and the wording is almost perfect !
and the end was amazing !
wut else can i say ?
i luv i t!
hope to see more of ur own ...
peace and check out my writing too!
| Posted on 2005-11-18 00:00:00 | by vitoko | [ Reply to This ]
  that was sweet, in a dark morbid kind of way. this was awesome though. it is very true, it shows how much one persons love or the deceit thereof...can affect another person. Great work. i could see all the images in my head as i read this. Excellent!

-Nathan
| Posted on 2005-11-13 00:00:00 | by Podenco del infierno | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



80836