ok I do like this a lot, it is like a battle cry for young people. I say pick up the saber and march on to victory.
(first stanza) here is great with the introduction of the young. I would change the last verse to make it more effective. in place of “in” I would put “reach” instead. reach sounds to me, to have much more impact in a sense of a flood but also more importantly for accomplishment/drive to change.
(second stanza) now I was going to say that "everyone" in line four was too broad of a brush but I changed my stance on it since it is about the people who have amassed, so stanza two looks good to me.
(stanza three) I like the united. unity is what is needed in this country if we ever are going to tackle the problems we have. as long as there is division and strife (not just the other side of any issue, but among those who claim to be on the same side,) there will a stumbling block to change. from what I have witnessed and learned, change normally happens when one side overpowers the other causing an imbalance of power. it has been my experience in seeing, this doesn’t always begin to happen in numbers sometimes the power of one is enough to create a spark in resistance.
(stanza four) in line two here you have “Indestructable” I would change to “Indestructible” I do wonder what the future has in store for us as a nation. will America descend into anarchy in the coming days? or can we bring about a new age of unity and worldly minded individuals, who think for the betterment of all man kind? it is this intense nationalism that has as sent on a collision course with sovereign nations. I hope this next generation learns from the events of this day and applies that to make tomorrow more livable. great job Jose,
I like this It is a positive message you are giving out with this write The youth of the world are our future and we need to lead them and guide them as they take the reains of a new world I really liked this Great Write Ron
Please if you have a chance take a look at some of my poetry and let me know what you think Thank You Ron
I like this. I see you have put some thought into it. I like to think that each new generation learns something from the previous. We all have something to teach. I agree, in order to grow "new blood" is needed as the world is ever changing. Change being the only constant. This poem gives thought to the reader.. that makes it a good write. Nice work! ~Sandra
This is a good poem. I like this one because of the strong message you have made here. It is very true that as long as we roam this planet the generations will always pass and the young grow to take the place of their elders. They serve to uphold the beliefs of those who came before them and reinforce their strength. I like the way you wrote this one, very concise and direct. You could probably elaborate on this one further but it is good just as it is too. Take care.
I like that. Its so positive... especially the last line. It just makes you wanna say "Yeah!" lol Anywho, very nicely written. I like the 'new blood' thing. I would comment better, but I got to peace out. I'll ttyl deary. As always, Great job
The third stanza was probably my favorite. I don't have much to say on this, but I have to say that the subject was well thought out. I wouldn't have thought of something like this to write about. The only real problem I have with it is the shortness. It's a bit choppy too. Maybe extend it a little, or replace some words...add a stanza or two, possibly...I feel bad not giving you more to work with, but I think that you probably get the picture! I won't bother you anymore. :)