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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: born to die?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: dismentled
    ASL Info:    26/M/"South of Heaven"
    Elite Ratio:    4.06 - 625/583/217
    Words: 229
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Society
    Total Views: 654
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1661



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsborn to die?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    dying today
    without a choice
    by doing nothing
    stricken of my voice
    going nowhere too fast
    without knowing where i've been
    the world that'll damn me
    has now welcomed me in
    going the wrong way
    on a broken down one way steet
    try to take my time
    a little faster than i think

    fading...fading
    falling from grace
    this self-centered world has me
    still can't look it in the face
    knocking on deaths door
    waiting to be let in
    the world that accepted me
    has abandoned me in my sin

    when i die
    will anyone care?
    at the funeral
    will anyone be there?
    lost...
    with no place to be
    used up, dried out
    blinded by myself it seems
    is this the end?
    or is just the end for me?

    falling...falling
    damned without grace
    a self-centered world caught me
    wont look it in the face
    banging on deaths door
    waiting to be let in
    a world that abandoned me
    has left me to my sin

    you can't kill me
    yet i'm not dead
    you can't kill me!
    haven't gotten to live
    after all i've done
    life is still shyt
    am i really forsaken
    to live like this
    only time will tell
    waiting to see
    cause nobody knows
    what's in store for me;

    falling...fading;
    fallen; from grace
    ...fading...faling
    damned without grace
    forsaken
    without a voice





    Submitted on 2005-11-14 11:17:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      woah. this really hit home. i like it very much. i can't really figure out what it is i like about it, i just know that i do. keep up the good work :) - angie
    | Posted on 2005-11-22 00:00:00 | by m with two i_s | [ Reply to This ]
      i agree with kane on the fact that this is a good write. i think that a poem is a poem whether it ryhmes or not. it's just the persons writing style. but it kind of seems a little forced. and that's what i don't like about it. other than that, i can't see anything wrong with this. good job, keep it up
    | Posted on 2005-11-14 00:00:00 | by frozenflame | [ Reply to This ]
      i have the same view. i dont like rhyming poetry, but this one i enjoyed.

    "going nowhere too fast
    without knowing where i've been"

    good line. thanks for the post, i enjoyed reading it.
    | Posted on 2005-11-14 00:00:00 | by irish storm | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, i usually dont like rhyming poems OR long poems, but this one certainly breaks that rule. I love this, although the rhyming shceme is lost a little in the end of the third paragraph and the 5th, it is a great write.
    Suggestion: The last line of the first paragraph could use another word, like " faster than i CAN think".

    Great write, going on my favorites.

    ~Kane~
    | Posted on 2005-11-14 00:00:00 | by Kane Martyr | [ Reply to This ]


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    80941

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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