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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Imperiled Pathdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Jengrr
    ASL Info:    20/McBain
    Elite Ratio:    5.85 - 95/104/22
    Words: 96
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 610
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 610



    Description:
       To me, this path represents the journey of love...you're never going to make it across without falling, without suffering, but what waits on the other side is well worth it.

    *Note* I've been in somewhat of a block lately, so any and all help is welcome.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Imperiled Pathdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The path is but a tight-rope edge
    Of a mountain rearing tall
    But upon the trail to paradise,
    One cannot help but fall

    To one side naught but jagged rock
    Is ever to be found
    A depth of icy bitter thought
    Where music has no sound

    Way down the other side so steep
    Is naught but bladed thorns
    A valley of grim and anguished hope
    That leaves one gashed and torn

    To suffer agony razor-sharp
    Or an eternity of stone
    Who dare traverse the imperiled path?
    None save the heart alone




    Submitted on 2005-11-14 20:41:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      There's something hauntingly beautiful about this. I don't have any nitpicks about word usage here because the phonetics of it flow fairly smoothly the entire way through. I like the syllable rhythm here, I don't have to double-take and reread any of the lines to make the syllables fit into it. That's another pet peeve I have in poetry. You illustrate a sort of struggle here. At first the subject seems concrete with scenery, but the last line you drive home revamps my perception of it and instead I believe it delineates the suffering of love. 'None but the heart alone' would dare travel the imperiled path.

    There's something indescribably beautiful about that. I don't want to touch at it too much because of that.
    | Posted on 2007-04-26 00:00:00 | by UnderINK | [ Reply to This ]
      The images here are excellent, they are something that does conjure up various thoughts. I always prefer to try my hand with these types of pieces though they are often troublesome to find. At times it isn’t apparent that the writer is trying to make them deep and even other cases where the reader often misinterprets the piece sometimes losing the general idea in the reading. In this I will give my view never anything that is to be taken to heart and if it aligns with the intent then that is great.

    St1: here the path may designate the walk of the individual through life which is a rope bridge; the tight-rope bridge to me is an illustration of the precariousness of life. The bridge itself means to have a starting point where one is coming from the past and an ending point where one is going call it destiny or fate. The mountain which I believe the bridge spans is the higher state of the person the end of the trail (though it doesn’t say end) it paradise. This does align with many spiritual walks who take the path even those dangerous ones as a measure of faith. Not only or exclusively spiritual however this can just be simply life in general.

    st2 now it says in stanza one line one the path is but a tight-rope bridA ge. On one side: the jagged rock this illustrates more of a warning to stay on the bridge to be careful footed in the journey. The music is very interesting perhaps a description of how nothing pleasurable with sooth someone on that journey leaving the icy bitter thought.

    st3: the other side of this bridge is the “bladed thorns” there that means to me something that is protective given the nature of thorns, it almost begs the question which side would be the preferred fall if one had to choose? See I think depending on the height you can survive both falls but there would be a height where falling on either would equal death or metaphorically doom/gloom/treachery however a person would look at it. The thorns also have more meanings such as barriers and difficulties whereas the rock could have religious implications. Most important here I would think is to stay on the bridge this lesson in life to follow a path though it may be uncomfortable it may save a person. I do understand why grim and loss of hope is written on the 3rd line for thorns attach themselves to other hosts and often choke the life out of them.

    st4: Here there are two possible outcomes for leaving the safety of the bridge. the eternity of stone or the anguish of thorns. At the end the heart may be the strength of courage or it may be that of love. It could be the feelings of the person who is walking or a personification of the hearts journey. All these things seem to fit nicely.

    I like this piece it has spirit and heart. The images are profound and some are ambiguous, I do like ambiguity. Well done,

    ~mike
    | Posted on 2006-02-12 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
      You are really good with nature images. Agree with you completely about what you are saying, Love without falling really is meaningless, the times I've always felt the most love, compassion, whatever you want to call it, was always right after something really hard. The pain makes it worth it
    | Posted on 2006-01-05 00:00:00 | by thezeroman88 | [ Reply to This ]
      You have never been more right Jen...the path of love will always be filled with stones, the trick to surviving it I think is to learn to use those stones as strpping stones and not just something to trip over. Good write here and I enjoyed the read. Wish I had some of that snow you got, take care...
    !doc`
    | Posted on 2005-11-15 00:00:00 | by dr_tigger | [ Reply to This ]
      This is very good. I like how you have worded this poem. It certainly speaks well of the journey of love. We all must take a big chance when it comes to risking our heart to love someone. Sometimes we do get very hurt but we will never find the true love that is out there if we dont take chances. I found this poem to be more a message than an actual life experience. It didnt really pull me with emotions but more with factual insight. I think you did a good job with this one. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-11-15 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      You know, I'm not sure whether the tissue and muscle that build the heart is strong enough to go through all that without being torn apart... haha. just kidding. well, this was by all means well-written, the description was well worded... but I felt that there was something missing or lacking in this poem - emotion. We all know that love, whether we've experienced it or not, is a passionate, emotional journey... and somehow, I did not feel these emotions being expressed as I read this. I'm not really sure what caused this, but my opinion is that perhaps you were placing too much focus on the description of the metaphors describing the painful journey (the valley of grim, the thorns, etc.), until it became sort of like a mere description of a terror mountain of some sort... the reader only becomes aware that this is a poem about love, or the journey of the heart, when he/she reaches the last stanza. Before that, it's just like reading a rhyme... I mean no offense, really. I'm only bothering to say all this because I believe this poem could have been so much more... you have a good way with words, and I'd love to see a revised version of this, that is, if you're doing one. It could be just me, of course... sometimes i"m just a little strange... haha. I hope you'll take this comment with an open mind though! :)
    | Posted on 2005-11-15 00:00:00 | by zhi wei | [ Reply to This ]


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