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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Water 'N Blooddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: CaramelCandy
    ASL Info:    37 Female NYC
    Elite Ratio:    6.07 - 118/144/57
    Words: 172
    Class/Type: Deep Thought/Depressed
    Total Views: 1232
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1214



    Description:
       This write was inspired by an argument my mother and I had. On this day, I was questioning what was thicker water or blood. During this time, I was convinced that water was thicker than blood.


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    dotsWater 'N Blooddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Why was conception permitted?
    What purpose did birth bring?
    As darkness creeps and plagues the earth,
    the mingling qualms quiver within.
    A heart trapped amid the congeal mist covering.
    Walls closing in a claustrophobic condition unrepressed.

    Smashing,
    smashing,
    and squashing me to a crisp.
    Like a hermit crab
    half out, half in;
    I muster to get away, but am
    fading into blackness bit by bit.

    Why was breath given?
    What purpose does life bring?
    As the air fading on a hot summer day
    let gasping subside like the dying of dusk every night.
    Two-edged sword cut steeply through skin;
    blood thicker than water is
    like a river running through it.

    Thinning,
    Thinning,
    and leaving me to drain.
    Like a slaughtered pig
    trembling till death sets in;
    I contrive my escape, but am
    tied by the hind legs;

    jolting from

    pain,
    anguish,
    refrain;

    blood thicker than water is
    like a river running through my veins.

    Saby Rodriguez, 10/24/05




    Submitted on 2005-11-14 22:11:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I had to read this piece a couple of times...
    In the beginning- you had started with such an array of words (a feast of words, if I may), then, in the 2nd stanza, you decided to use words like 'smashing & squashing'. They seem completely out of place with the rest of this piece. Those are simply my thoughts on that...
    This piece definately shows your originality & your talent. Nicely done.
    :)
    Tonya
    | Posted on 2006-06-09 00:00:00 | by Tonya V. | [ Reply to This ]
      Interesting piece of work...I am unable to decided what i think of it. there are parts that i enjoyed, (Why was breath given?
    What purpose does life bring?
    As the air fading on a hot summer day
    let gasping subside like the dying of dusk every night.
    Two-edged sword cut steeply through skin;
    blood thicker than water is
    like a river running through it.)
    For they are what i ponder most of the hours of day. Also there are other parts i don't know about. The way you discribe childbirth was a very unique way. I have never heard it talked about like that. I believe i liked it. Though the jury is out as of right now. lol. It is a very powerfully written piece as rws has said, and most def'n provokes thoughts. Very well done.
    | Posted on 2005-11-15 00:00:00 | by Akai_Ame | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a most thought provoking write. Filled with good emotions and your feelings are well expressed. I think this is very nicely written. I am not sure what exactly the point here is but it sort of sounded like childbirth experienced as a most unfavorable thing. But I was unclear if you spoke of yourself as a baby or the mother giving birth. This left me somewhat confused. But I still think it is a bold and powerful write. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-11-15 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      You make childbirth sound like slaughtering an animal (or you make slaughtering an animal sound like childbirth ), in either case the sense is pure agony suffered in a near comatose condition with every nerve exposed like a raw wind. Oddly enough, this is a Biblically apt description of a crucifiction in the sense of 'water and blood' separating into serum and red blood cells. However, unless I'm mistaken, I believe the bulk of the poem describes the passage of a child from the womb and through the birth canal into the world. Now I'm at a loss for words; this was powerfully written and very nicely done.
    | Posted on 2005-11-14 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]


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