Description: No matter what i may do with my liffe i will always live im two worlds speak with many tongues and have no shame!! this poem is written using ebonics of my native land the inner city i speak fluenty in the toungue of the gangsta and the tongue of the self righteous, i also speak korean and spanish so if this poem makes no sense to you do not assume that i am a fool but assume that you are ignorant to what must be. thank you and ask for translation freely.
Breath deep -------------------------------------------
BREATH DEEP
before ya head hit the water
put cha back in order
hit da block wit two dubs an a quarter
fresh off the border
smell the chocha still
a pimp wit skilll
burderned wit steel
to cold ta feel
to quick ta kill
BREATH DEEP
if i step in the room
certain doom
sweep wit no broom
listen fo the boom
dont duck
aint no luck
if i stick- u stuck
so what the fuck
BREATH DEEP
this is yo last Breath
after this aint nuthin left
how it feel facin death
dont cry
bloody tear from yo eye
hope it hurt you ta die
like you hurt me ta live
DIE
I actually liked it. I don't know if it's edited, but this piece seemed fairly understandable to me and I'm not all that familiar with street language, never mind Korean or Spanish. I agree with 'the rose', the poem does seem to dance to rap if you get what I mean. I even checked to see if it were catagorised 'song'.
I understand this poem to be you (well, the narrator in the poem) talking to someone you're about to kill. No, in the first section, I get you're drowning him (assuming he's a male from the tone) and recalling personal features of the victim, or incidents you had with him??? In section two, I get that (okay, this may be far-fetched) you're bombing him. Telling him he should be afraid. The third and last section is pretty much self-explanatory.
I'd like to know what you meant in this poem, since (number one) I doubt I've analysed this correctly, and (number two) it sounds like a pretty interesting story is behind it.
Nice beat, I love how you've written slang I think it really adds to the poem. Real original.
DeepDreamer2008
p.s. I also advise you to read 'the rose's "These Days", if you haven't done so already. It's fab. ;)
I like this one. I aint to sure about the message you are trying to send or exactly where you are going with this one but I felt the piece no doubt. I cannot stand the guy who commented before me. He continues to talk [censored] about poetry that isn't grammatically corrent when this fool can't even spell. He has commented on one of my poems in a similar way and he sounds real ignorant when he comments about things he knows nothing of but that is for another day. I like your use of where you came from and I'm wondering if you rap. You sound like you could flow to the right beat. Keep writing and stay sane cuz this world will drive you crazy. Check out my last piece called "These Days" cuz I got a feeling that you would like it. Stay up.
... what are you talking about? I swear it is hard to talk and type in slang than it is to just speak the language correctly. Nothing about this seems to have any point except the end. Don't get me wrong I am sure you have soemthing important to say, but what in the world is it? Speak clearly.
Submission Name: Breath deep
