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    dots Submission Name: "A Bigger Man"dots

    Author: PrettyRicki
    ASL Info:    19
    Elite Ratio:    3.71 - 29/49/11
    Words: 554
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 1220
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 3447

       This one actually is about me...My dad left when I came to the states at age 10. The last time I had saw him was when I was four. This is just a taste of what kinda shit ppl go through...

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots"A Bigger Man"dots

    “A Bigger Man”
    By: Ricki

    My hearts been broken,
    In more ways than one,
    Can’t be taken back,
    Cuz whats done, is done…

    Relationships gon die,
    Its just a given fact,
    But to have a dad to talk to,
    That’s just something I lack,

    You see, I thought I had u,
    The first four years of my life,
    Come to find out, u left me,
    And never thought twice…

    The kid you ain’t seen,
    In more than 6 years,
    So when its time for me to come,
    “Poof,” and u disappear.

    Now that Im older,
    With 14 years gone by…
    I start to look atchu
    And all I can say is “why?”

    “Why you set me up,
    And whisper dreams in my ear,
    ‘Mommy its time to see Daddy,’
    ‘Naw baby, Daddy ain’t here.’

    “Well where’d he go?
    I miss em so much…
    I wanna tell em, ‘hello!’
    And that I love him and such…

    Give him that hug
    I been waitin for so long
    Mommy tell me your playin,
    Cuz I don’t think Im that strong

    “Baby, Daddy’s not here,
    He left before you came,
    Im thinking to myself,
    “This will just never be the same.”

    “Is he comin back?
    Please let it be soon”
    The note my heart had been playin
    Now played a different tune

    Years go by,
    14 years to this day,
    Im 18 now…
    And Im thinking another way

    “Which parent you look like?
    Your mom or your dad?”
    “Man, I couldn’t tell you…
    And that’s pretty damn sad.”

    I wanna say my dad,
    But Id be lyin if I did,
    Truth is, “I on’t know”
    He left when I was a kid.

    Missed birthdays and Christmas,
    Even the little things too…
    I graduated early,
    But he ain’t have no clue

    I did talk to em though,
    Right after momma died,
    He tried to console me
    And I began to cry…

    “Don’t talk to me now,
    With how many years gone?
    As Im lookin in your eyes,
    I can see that you know your wrong.

    Wrong the way you left me
    Ain’t heard from u since,
    The things I told ppl about you,
    Were all in past tense,

    I ain’t have no choice,
    What could I say?
    And here you are now
    Like it should all just go away

    I grew up myself
    Im a bigger man than you
    Stop shakin your head,
    Dammit you know this shits true

    You know what its too hard,
    Im better off by myself
    As Im sayin these words,
    My heart begins to melt

    One parents all I had,
    My whole life growin up…
    “But son, I tried…”
    “Man, dammit, SHUT UP!”

    “Just get up and leave,
    That’s all you gotta do…
    You did it once before,
    Why not make it two?

    So he got up,
    And slowly walked away…
    This pain I had felt,
    Maybe he’d feel some day

    He is my dad tho,
    As fucked up as he is…
    It was always about him…
    Man “to hell wit his kids”

    Its okay tho,
    Cuz Im a bigger man…
    I said, “Man…STOP”
    And that’s when I shook his hand.

    Submitted on 2005-11-15 14:09:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      The more I read your writes the more I like your style.
    This is a moving write and that is exactly why it is so good.
    I am a father of 5 children. 24, 20, 19, 19, 13
    I have been away many times for months on end but I tell you that it is always hard.

    So you knowing all this about your father will
    make you a great father when you have your own.

    Great write

    Respect and Admiration

    | Posted on 2005-12-06 00:00:00 | by Wisdom Seeker | [ Reply to This ]
      An excellent and powerful write
    I have to say i had almost the same relationship with my Dad
    He left the family when I was 7
    Now I am 37 and living with him helping him erase the grip of depression
    I love him with all my heart
    I know exactly how you felt and how you feel
    Ive been there too my friend
    Fantastic Write
    Take Care

    Please if you get a chance take a look at my poetry and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    | Posted on 2005-11-15 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      Ricki... when you read this to me, I wuz floored, dawg. This poem is da bomb, man. And I can tell that you brought out a lot of pain.. a lot of emotions and a lot of unsaid and unclear feelings into that poem, and it the way you brought it out was nicely did. Good job, man.
    | Posted on 2005-11-15 00:00:00 | by K-Beezy | [ Reply to This ]
      when i was 35 i found that all the time i was living with my grandmother and never knew my birth parents i would growing up yell at my mother that she was not my mother thinking all the time i was just being bad then when my father died i found out that i was kicked out of the will by his second wife because i was not a blood relation to him my mother/grandmother was married once before and i was the result of her son going out one night and getting himself into trouble it was not untill 15 years after her death that all her girlfriends started to talk i have had alot of stress over this and since the judge sealed my adoption records i can not find any medical history and at the time of my adoption the judge did it a little underhanded so that is my problem anyway i loved the poem
    | Posted on 2005-11-15 00:00:00 | by papalegba | [ Reply to This ]
      wow...this just literally had me in tears...I'm a single mother raising a daughter who's father was not there for the first six years of her life and now she will be ten and he's in and out..comes and goes...so this was a very personal read for me...

    You are right in so many senses you ARE the bigger man...not only did you grow to be a man (education and such) you found a talent in writting...you were able to express feelings to the man who fathered you and the biggest and most amazing thing ever is you found it in your heart to forgive...that takes the biggest of all people man or woman...forgiveness...outstanding...

    and with all that said and done...i give you a standing ovation for this one...I'm sure others wont like the slang or format but this is just wow because it is honestly your heart on our page...

    I look forward to reading more...

    Tina Elites ghetto ballerina...
    | Posted on 2005-11-15 00:00:00 | by Brownsdelight | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a strong poem on what you felt all through your life, not knowing or seeing him. i see that in this post. i also like how you rhymed it aswell. thought it was cool. i wouldnt say to expand or anything, i like it exactly how it is. but what i truly love about this writing dude... is the ending. on how you became the bigger man and welcome your dad back, after all he has done. that takes courage and heart. Respect.
    | Posted on 2005-11-15 00:00:00 | by irish storm | [ Reply to This ]
      a truly touching poem...
    havent been in the same situation so dont know how it feels...but ateast u convey what its like in such beautiful words...
    rock on
    | Posted on 2005-11-15 00:00:00 | by mihir | [ Reply to This ]
      Very good at grabbing and holding. I think the rhythm had a lot to do with it. This style is (at least for this site :P) really original. Long, but hardly noticed. Personally, I think that it's good for countering the stereotype I have seen in some people about families that are broken up, think nothing good ever comes out of that kind of situation. But you got your evidence right here.
    | Posted on 2005-11-15 00:00:00 | by rounin | [ Reply to This ]

    And...excuse me but...*clears throat*...you are really cute! LOL

    This was very touching. I mean that from the deepest depths of my heart. You have a way with words. This story was well told and had me sitting here just wanting to reach my hand out to you.

    Good job! I hope to see more of your pieces in the future...and you too! LOL

    Much love!

    Li Li
    | Posted on 2005-11-15 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]

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