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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Diamond Tearsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Toxic_Rayne
    ASL Info:    18/f/a happier place
    Elite Ratio:    4.7 - 1314/1095/162
    Words: 154
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 1319
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1082



    Description:
        Just another thing that I've written up out of no where. I seriously don't know where these things come from, lol.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDiamond Tearsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Diamond tears running down my face
    Soul as fragile as torn and frayed lace

    Watch these tears fall like the rain
    These controlling fears that I haven't slain

    Eyes reflecting ice and viens of cold blood
    Fears and obsession, I shall drown in this flood

    Silver moon-light dancing on the water
    Over-shadowing the life that you'll never barter

    Every moment is my darkest hour
    I've no walls, I've built myself a tower

    Nothing left to lose, nothing there to gain
    Be my salvation to this never-ceasing pain

    Like a wolf, I want to run away, to just leave
    Be my tourniquet to my wounds that bleed

    Lost in disillusioned, non-existant reveries
    Trapped inside someone else's tragic memories

    White lightening crackling, striking down
    In this chaotic world I'm sure to drown

    There's a pain in my soul like a white hot knife
    But...then again...welcome to life




    Submitted on 2005-11-15 16:13:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      hey! this is awesome! im going to try and comment on every single thing u have written but u write a lot man! slow down! ok i really like this! its awesome! i liked the ending and i think it flowed just fine. the 2 opening stanzas were da best! good job!
    ~akaila evonne~
    | Posted on 2005-11-30 00:00:00 | by iluvpoetry_1 | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey,

    Me again. Ive read a couple of your poems and they are all pretty good. I like once again the 2 sentance stanzas. I'm not very good with thoose. Maybe you can stop by mine and give you opion.

    Raven
    | Posted on 2005-11-29 00:00:00 | by Silent_Tears | [ Reply to This ]
      damn. u've been posting a lot and now i gotta try to read all ur stuff. i don't if i can keep up with u and silent_death12. this one was cool. the ending was ok. i liked the welcome to life line but it really didn't flow the way the rest of the poem did. peace
    | Posted on 2005-11-29 00:00:00 | by unknown soldier | [ Reply to This ]
      i liked ur words alot, especially
    "Watch these tears fall like the rain
    These controlling fears that I haven't slain"
    and
    "Nothing left to lose, nothing there to gain
    Be my salvation to this never-ceasing pain"
    these parts seemed 2 sum what i've felt like 4 the last few weeks.
    its a really good rite.

    thanx 4 ur read n feedback
    chaos
    | Posted on 2005-11-24 00:00:00 | by divine chaos | [ Reply to This ]
      hmpth you don't know were this came from? haha like i said you arn't the only one that can pull things out of your ass lol. Yea i do it too...*looks around* just don't tell anyone jk jk lol. But seriously it was good. And i don't think the ending fit either.

    ~~Danni~~
    | Posted on 2005-11-16 00:00:00 | by Poeticprincess | [ Reply to This ]
      WOW this one rocked. I am very glad you posted it and it's definatly a favorite. just- wow all of your lines are great but I think my favorite line would have to be "trapped inside someone else's tragic memories"this was great and a nice connection...there are so many different feelings in this poem and almost surpirisingly THe title fit into it perfectly. This really was a great write. keep writing:)
    Peace.
    *blazing deathwish*
    | Posted on 2005-11-16 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh my gosh, you totally caught exactly how I feel and how I've been feeling lately... this is an awesome poem lil' sis, keep up the great job! Catch ya laterz!

    -your big sis,
    Melissa
    | Posted on 2005-11-16 00:00:00 | by psycho_1 | [ Reply to This ]
      "Watch these tears fall like the rain
    These controlling fears that I haven't slain"
    I loved those lines. I was reading them and I was thinking, "great senior quote" lol. Crazy. It is a good written poem and your rhyming seems right to me.
    | Posted on 2005-11-15 00:00:00 | by Lies | [ Reply to This ]
      good but i felt like some lines didn't quite fit right. also a couple words didn't rhyme and it seemed like you were going for rhyming the whole thing. also you talk about fears and pain and then relate it to wolves which i wasn't to fond of because i assoicate wolves with strength and courage and such. they do run but that metaphor doesn't really relate to the whole poem. overall it was very creative, i really like the lines

    Every moment is my darkest hour
    I've no walls, I've built myself a tower

    Nothing left to lose, nothing there to gain
    Be my salvation to this never-ceasing pain

    and also the last line. anyway nice job!

    -Beth
    | Posted on 2005-11-15 00:00:00 | by beth freese | [ Reply to This ]
      I really really enjoyed this. I think you are a very talented writer, who knows just how to word things to hit the darkness in everyones heart. This is something that discribes me so well that i must give you props. It is very well done and i love the end. It is true that everything you wrote is just a part of life, which everyone must go through.

    (There's a pain in my soul like a white hot knife
    But...then again...welcome to life)

    I really loved that part. again. my props go to you for an exelent write.
    | Posted on 2005-11-15 00:00:00 | by Akai_Ame | [ Reply to This ]
      long but great. an overall look of it is 4/5. well if you would comment on my poetry and leave me comments on it...that would be great :)
    xoxoxo
    Reeses
    | Posted on 2005-11-15 00:00:00 | by Numb | [ Reply to This ]
      that was really good and i liked it but the end kinda threw me off. some endings like that work but that one kinda didnt fit. it was a nice poem though and i relate to most of it and i know how it goes.
    -BleedingTears
    | Posted on 2005-11-15 00:00:00 | by BleedingTears | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
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    12. Does it feel original?



    81116

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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