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Diamond Tears


Author: Toxic_Rayne
ASL Info:    18/f/a happier place
Elite Ratio:    4.7 - 1314 /1095 /162
Words: 154
Class/Type: Poetry /Dark
Total Views: 1477
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1082



Description:


Just another thing that I've written up out of no where. I seriously don't know where these things come from, lol.


Diamond Tears



Diamond tears running down my face
Soul as fragile as torn and frayed lace

Watch these tears fall like the rain
These controlling fears that I haven't slain

Eyes reflecting ice and viens of cold blood
Fears and obsession, I shall drown in this flood

Silver moon-light dancing on the water
Over-shadowing the life that you'll never barter

Every moment is my darkest hour
I've no walls, I've built myself a tower

Nothing left to lose, nothing there to gain
Be my salvation to this never-ceasing pain

Like a wolf, I want to run away, to just leave
Be my tourniquet to my wounds that bleed

Lost in disillusioned, non-existant reveries
Trapped inside someone else's tragic memories

White lightening crackling, striking down
In this chaotic world I'm sure to drown

There's a pain in my soul like a white hot knife
But...then again...welcome to life




Submitted on 2005-11-15 16:13:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  hey! this is awesome! im going to try and comment on every single thing u have written but u write a lot man! slow down! ok i really like this! its awesome! i liked the ending and i think it flowed just fine. the 2 opening stanzas were da best! good job!
~akaila evonne~
| Posted on 2005-11-30 00:00:00 | by iluvpoetry_1 | [ Reply to This ]
  Hey,

Me again. Ive read a couple of your poems and they are all pretty good. I like once again the 2 sentance stanzas. I'm not very good with thoose. Maybe you can stop by mine and give you opion.

Raven
| Posted on 2005-11-29 00:00:00 | by Silent_Tears | [ Reply to This ]
  damn. u've been posting a lot and now i gotta try to read all ur stuff. i don't if i can keep up with u and silent_death12. this one was cool. the ending was ok. i liked the welcome to life line but it really didn't flow the way the rest of the poem did. peace
| Posted on 2005-11-29 00:00:00 | by unknown soldier | [ Reply to This ]
  i liked ur words alot, especially
"Watch these tears fall like the rain
These controlling fears that I haven't slain"
and
"Nothing left to lose, nothing there to gain
Be my salvation to this never-ceasing pain"
these parts seemed 2 sum what i've felt like 4 the last few weeks.
its a really good rite.

thanx 4 ur read n feedback
chaos
| Posted on 2005-11-24 00:00:00 | by divine chaos | [ Reply to This ]
  hmpth you don't know were this came from? haha like i said you arn't the only one that can pull things out of your ass lol. Yea i do it too...*looks around* just don't tell anyone jk jk lol. But seriously it was good. And i don't think the ending fit either.

~~Danni~~
| Posted on 2005-11-16 00:00:00 | by Poeticprincess | [ Reply to This ]
  WOW this one rocked. I am very glad you posted it and it's definatly a favorite. just- wow all of your lines are great but I think my favorite line would have to be "trapped inside someone else's tragic memories"this was great and a nice connection...there are so many different feelings in this poem and almost surpirisingly THe title fit into it perfectly. This really was a great write. keep writing:)
Peace.
*blazing deathwish*
| Posted on 2005-11-16 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
  Oh my gosh, you totally caught exactly how I feel and how I've been feeling lately... this is an awesome poem lil' sis, keep up the great job! Catch ya laterz!

-your big sis,
Melissa
| Posted on 2005-11-16 00:00:00 | by psycho_1 | [ Reply to This ]
  "Watch these tears fall like the rain
These controlling fears that I haven't slain"
I loved those lines. I was reading them and I was thinking, "great senior quote" lol. Crazy. It is a good written poem and your rhyming seems right to me.
| Posted on 2005-11-15 00:00:00 | by Lies | [ Reply to This ]
  good but i felt like some lines didn't quite fit right. also a couple words didn't rhyme and it seemed like you were going for rhyming the whole thing. also you talk about fears and pain and then relate it to wolves which i wasn't to fond of because i assoicate wolves with strength and courage and such. they do run but that metaphor doesn't really relate to the whole poem. overall it was very creative, i really like the lines

Every moment is my darkest hour
I've no walls, I've built myself a tower

Nothing left to lose, nothing there to gain
Be my salvation to this never-ceasing pain

and also the last line. anyway nice job!

-Beth
| Posted on 2005-11-15 00:00:00 | by beth freese | [ Reply to This ]
  I really really enjoyed this. I think you are a very talented writer, who knows just how to word things to hit the darkness in everyones heart. This is something that discribes me so well that i must give you props. It is very well done and i love the end. It is true that everything you wrote is just a part of life, which everyone must go through.

(There's a pain in my soul like a white hot knife
But...then again...welcome to life)

I really loved that part. again. my props go to you for an exelent write.
| Posted on 2005-11-15 00:00:00 | by Akai_Ame | [ Reply to This ]
  long but great. an overall look of it is 4/5. well if you would comment on my poetry and leave me comments on it...that would be great :)
xoxoxo
Reeses
| Posted on 2005-11-15 00:00:00 | by Numb | [ Reply to This ]
  that was really good and i liked it but the end kinda threw me off. some endings like that work but that one kinda didnt fit. it was a nice poem though and i relate to most of it and i know how it goes.
-BleedingTears
| Posted on 2005-11-15 00:00:00 | by BleedingTears | [ Reply to This ]


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