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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Oh But To Be An Apple!dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jessie thomas
    ASL Info:    24/F/Alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.13 - 299/338/79
    Words: 254
    Class/Type: Poetry/Comedy
    Total Views: 1165
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1551



    Description:
       The product of extra time in Spanish class...
    The word 'least' ....is ment to have an 'a' sound...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOh But To Be An Apple!dots
    -------------------------------------------


    I began as a seed
    Then I got larger
    And turned green.
    As time progressed,
    I began to turn red,
    And then I fell from my tree...
    I lay there for an hour,
    But just before I began to turn sour
    A man placed me in his basket.
    I lay there for awhile
    Just on top of the pile
    Whilst I listened to other apples
    Telling me to move.
    But you see, I had no legs
    So I only did what I could.
    I rolled off the others
    So they would no longer smother.
    But I missed the edge
    And fell in a hedge.
    Right outside the factory
    Laying there I feared
    That no one wold find me.

    However a passer by
    Stopped and picked me up
    He took me home
    Washed me off
    And placed me in a bowl.
    There I sat
    Awaiting my fate
    But now I fear I wont be eaten.
    For my stem is gone
    And my leaves are too
    I'm all scratched up
    And now I've got a bruise.

    Oh but to be an apple
    And to have a life so short
    oh but to only be wanted
    by the healthy sort.

    But I fear they are lousy conversationalists...
    And thats no good you see
    Because apples haven't got much to say
    Although they could think the day away
    But their ponderings are much too simple
    To entertain a dinner guest
    So it would be a boring dinner
    Least,
    The guest make the conversation.




    Submitted on 2005-11-15 18:32:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      this was a great poem...u have gotten better since the last time i read one of your poems...but the last one was good to...this one was funny and it had meaning behind it...the ending is just off to me...but thats just me...take care...
    | Posted on 2006-02-07 00:00:00 | by withblindedeyez | [ Reply to This ]
      Hello,
    This is fantastic you seem to have grown so much as a writer since last I read a piece. I'm so happy that someone is making something of thier talent. The fact that you took something eaten everyday and wrote something so meanigful and perfect is very intrigueing. I will put this on my favorites list and cherish the fact that the person that wrote this beautiful piece of work is my friends.
    Lotta Lovin'
    Mike
    | Posted on 2005-12-03 00:00:00 | by sageeriol | [ Reply to This ]
      This can very well be turned into a kids story! I loved it from beginning to end. If there is anyhting two themes I love in poetry is personification and romance.

    I could read them all night long!

    Pondering on deeper thoughts...

    Hmmm, if I were an apple what would I be saying or how would I be feeling? There are times that we as people find it difficult to express our emotions and we have been given the ability to rationalize and speak. Could you imagine if we were like the apple not being able to utter a word...we would ELODE!

    You know, I am a very picky person when it comes to apple so I love the part where you create the image of no one wanting the apple in its poorest condition:

    "However a passer by
    Stopped and picked me up
    He took me home
    Washed me off
    And placed me in a bowl.
    There I sat
    Awaiting my fate
    But now I fear I wont be eaten.
    For my stem is gone
    And my leaves are too
    I'm all scratched up
    And now I've got a bruise."

    First we don't want to eat the beautiful apples because... well...it's beautiful! When it gets soft and bruised we don't have the desire to eat because...well...it doesn't look eatable! We are a confused people...

    I know we are to criticize constructively and not as much give much praise, but I love this piece and it put a big smile on my face. It described me and my pickiness toward apples.

    Love Saby~*~

    I'd like to post as a fav with your permission.
    | Posted on 2005-11-22 00:00:00 | by CaramelCandy | [ Reply to This ]
      oh my gosh this is a adorable write here Jess you have personified that life of an apple it is very innocent and can read to children everywhere. you started with the birth on line one, its maturity through lines 2 through 5, it separation from its host tree and its discovery by a person. lines 12-14 being ostracized by the other more healthier apples that didn’t fall. god lord this is cute. I freaking love this one. then it falls out of the basket into a hedge (I love this chronology by the way) till a passerby finds it. i would make a suggestion for line in stanza 2 trade cup for bowl. still though I really treasure this write just like the apple it is not perfect. and now in last line of stanza two I see that it is bruised no one wants to eat it.

    the cries of woe from the apple has me almost feeling bad for the little red fella. “boreing” in the last stanza line 7 should be “boring” oh yes and “at” before least in the second to the last line.

    excellent piece is has brightened my day and please if you have time tidy up those corrections. take care,

    ~mike
    | Posted on 2005-11-20 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
      this is sooo awesome Jess...I read it outloud to my class cause I would never have thought of that. I loved the ending...it was my favorite.
    | Posted on 2005-11-18 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      This is probably the most unique poem I've read all day. I'm really like this. It's different in many aspects of poetry writing, and that's what makes me love it so much. You took a simple and ordinary process of life, and flipped it into somethin real. I love it, fa'real. Keep it up. Just try not to get any bad apples mixed in a good bunch either.
    | Posted on 2005-11-15 00:00:00 | by K-Beezy | [ Reply to This ]
      cute.. i shall think of this next time I see an apple with a bruise.. maybe I will take a bite just because...
    | Posted on 2005-11-15 00:00:00 | by mimi | [ Reply to This ]
      This story really cheered me up today. It was first on my list of Comedy writings, and I think it deserves it. I like your style, it has good wording and spacing of ideas. It is hard to focus on any grammar or mistakes because the story overshadows any mistakes- Not that I'm saying there were any, mind you. I'm just trying to say I Didn't see any. And I don't think anyone else will, unless they're focusing on editing.
    | Posted on 2005-11-15 00:00:00 | by hey.you | [ Reply to This ]
      oh this was such an amusing piece. nice length. great wording and structure. The topic is so random and yet it has base, which is really great to find in a humorous piece such as this one. This piece brought a smile to my face and an image to my mind. So delightful, I have nothing but praise. Excellent job, keep writing.

    ciao
    Brandy
    | Posted on 2005-11-15 00:00:00 | by rockunsilenced | [ Reply to This ]
      oh i guess i should have known from the title that this would be funny as it is in comedy but i guess it didn't click. i'm so used to reading emotional poems that i thought this was weird.
    xoxoxo,
    Reeses[ya i know it's me again sorry!]
    ps. check out my poetry and leave comments on it if you want to.
    | Posted on 2005-11-15 00:00:00 | by Numb | [ Reply to This ]
      this was very long and it seemed to drag on a bit but overal it was pretty dang good :)
    i dont know that everyone would want to sit down and read this long of a poem but then it there loss huh? well please check out my poetry and leave comments on it. i would apreciate it.
    xoxox,
    Reeses
    | Posted on 2005-11-15 00:00:00 | by Numb | [ Reply to This ]
      "Oh but to be an apple
    And to have a life so short
    oh but to only be wanted
    by the healthy sort."
    I find humor in those last two lines. Amusing. I Don't know if you meant for the poem to amusing but, in my opinion, it was. NIce use of vocabulary and I liked the story involved. Truly stating the life of an apple.
    | Posted on 2005-11-15 00:00:00 | by Lies | [ Reply to This ]


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