Description: Relly look at this peice i am trying to master this whole poetry thing lol so tell me the truth
Walking Away from you -------------------------------------------
The wind whips feverishly
I strain but I can not see
My head held high in pride
I will not break my stride
My pace will not slow
My pain will not show
Not a single tear
If you are near
So i say
Go away
I leave
I greive
Alone
The hardest thing is letting go...letting go to our loved ones who pass, letting go to our dog when we have to give him away, letting go of our old habits, letting go of a relationship...it's hard.
But when you find the strength to make that walk away from a relationship you know should end it's definitely a feeling of empowerment. Even if afterward you are along crying...the hardest part is the letting go...and you've wrote just that here. It's good because you aren't focused on life without this person...you are focused on letting go...and we all know life has so many letting go moments. Good piece. I enjoyed it. :)
very painnful .. and .. i love it .. but i would have it a little bigger .. but it is your and your structure.. everyone decides what they think iits better ... well.. ekepp on writing i love it .. ...and take care! victor!
Extremely painful, some will occasionally call it nessesary but, no adjustments can be made when the bond is forced away by trembling hands for any amount of minutes, hours, days...its just more pain on the pile..a big grotesque mountain of seperation, between two perfect souls...they put it there, but they despise it so very much..and will eventually remove it.
I think it was extremely creative and well done how you put this piece together using one word to finish the last line PERFECT By doing this you captured all the emotion you let out in this write and brought it down to a finale with the very last word
Excellent Write Great Job! Ron
And thanks for the comments on The Game Of Life I really appreciate what you said Thank You Ron
warning: this comment has been done entirely blind out of the page. anything said that is said that was said before or corrected before is not intentional.
It think this is highly creative how you did this. the title walking away from you and in the context your feelings. first little note on the wind it marks a change, I like its usage in your poem. now I have noticed how in line with the title here you have cycled down the syllabic count as if you have had less to say perhaps less saying and more feeling. also I do like how you put not a single tear and in line 12 you have grieve for me that amplifies the bottled up pain. I am always reminded how folks handle grief differently. as far as counting syllables many here know how much attention I would pay to counting syllables but here it did strike me with a good impression and I’ll add it is almost flawless.
I don’t know if this is a type of style, I am not knowledgeable in technical aspects of poems, many have assaulted me on that. but I do like it for the effect and for consistency. very nicely done here,
~mike
PS. tiny correction here “greive” on line 12 should be “grieve”
i like it amazingly enough you should have more confidance in your writing it is actually quite nice. it was crisp and kinda new compaired to the things i have been reading. the rhyme was perfect (almost to perfect but perfect just the same ;) ) any how i love the way you did this it is quite nice and sweet.i felt the passion almost as if you where telling me to get away as well lol well talk you latter check out some of my stuff it is not as small as this but some of it can hit home lol love and light and eternal blessings Archer
I like this. Short, shaped sort of like a partial tornado, and you end up right in the eye of the cyclone. Very simple, yet powerfully effective. It's rather impossible to walk away from something that irresistibly pulls you in to carry you away. You've done a very nice job of breaking your feelings down, going from longer expressions to just one word.
Submission Name: Walking Away from you
