Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Jealous Lifedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Abyssss00
    ASL Info:    24/M/NYC
    Elite Ratio:    3.17 - 5/6/5
    Words: 64
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 577
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 439



    Description:
       Any feedback is appreciated. Thanks


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsJealous Lifedots
    -------------------------------------------


    This life dies
    Don’t be reborn
    The next life revives
    Do not scorn

    Your fellow admires
    What you abhor
    Do not allow
    The jealousy to bore

    A hole in your soul
    The size of tomorrow
    They don’t allow the jealous
    To follow

    Into the next
    Where life is good
    Into the next
    The way life should…

    Be




    Submitted on 2005-11-16 07:19:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Interesting way of ways, but I think you need to make it sound elegant. Perhaps reading will help. Overall it's average but the idea you'd given on this piece of art is somewhat revealing some parts that most people don't think of.
    | Posted on 2005-11-26 00:00:00 | by Razorain | [ Reply to This ]
      I dont know it seems like your ryming is off alittle in some areas, but I guess over all it was okay. It wasnt great, but it was okay.

    Drea
    | Posted on 2005-11-16 00:00:00 | by Drea | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    81197

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry