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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Tears for Beautydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Lafferty
    ASL Info:    18/ female/perth WA
    Elite Ratio:    5.55 - 39/20/15
    Words: 52
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 225
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 341



    Description:
       For one of those days when time stands still. Did it make you feel anything? And I don't like the title any suggestions if its worth one.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTears for Beautydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Big fat drops seem suspended in the air.
    Shadowy pines stand guard
    Unprotesting in the wind,
    Unlike the others

    They flash different colours
    As their leaves tumble.
    The slow gurgle of the water pipes,
    The brief lift of the head in shelter
    A shiver that runs right down my spine




    Submitted on 2005-11-16 07:32:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I don't understand what the other commentator meant about color-colours. I really liked the poem, I don't think it was cliché at all, it was very original in my opinion, it actually made me think of autumn with the descriptions of the trees, it made me smile. I like the title but I don't think it's relevant to the poem.
    Very nice though, well done.
    | Posted on 2006-06-11 00:00:00 | by Sagirlie | [ Reply to This ]
      Colours sounds Cliche, try

    -Colors...(normal)

    But it was short and nice to read. Although it seemed too comprehended if that's possible?

    -Dragon days
    | Posted on 2005-11-16 00:00:00 | by SavedDragon | [ Reply to This ]



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