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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Tonight's the Nightdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: painofthanatos
    Elite Ratio:    4.32 - 684/571/86
    Words: 158
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 801
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 906



    Description:
       another teenage angst piece.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTonight's the Nightdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Tonight’s the night for paintings
    Of crying clouds
    And bleeding wounds
    Of starless nights
    With infinite frights

    Tonight’s the night for burning pictures
    Of phony smiles
    And made up memories
    Of past heartaches
    And the dirty deeds they captured with a 35mm

    Tonight’s the night for music
    With bass so loud I feel my heart shake
    And incomprehensible vocals
    You don’t need to know the words
    To feel the hurt

    Tonight’s the night for goodbyes
    As I swallow a pill for every
    Broken heart
    Cut
    Tear

    Tonight’s the night for giving
    My books, my clothes, my music
    Away
    My words, my thoughts, my knowledge, myself
    -Gone-

    Tonight’s the night I leave you behind




    Submitted on 2005-11-16 09:14:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      A very good write indeed. Very detailed with many good emotions. It was as if you got the reader to visualize what you were going though in a way. This has great wording and many good aspects to it. I wouldn't change anything in it. I like it the way it is.

    Happy New Year!!!

    Mikki
    | Posted on 2005-12-31 00:00:00 | by MiKkI25 | [ Reply to This ]
      I think you did a nice job expressing yourself with this poem. Despite it's angst, it is a strong poem with powerful emotions. You convey your sadness and the depressed state of mind very well with your words. It also has some nice descriptive qualities too which makes it much more than just a teen angst poem. This speaks of suicide as the escape from the pain which so many people tend to "turn to" with their despair. I always say, things always change and never are as bad as they seem at the time. Anyway, this is a strong poem. Nice job. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-12-06 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      I can feel the deep emotions behind this write. The longing for something more, and better.. and just wanting to leave what IS behind.
    You have a wonderful way with words, your expressions and descriptions in this piece proves that.
    "paintings of crying clouds"
    "burning pictures of phony smiles"
    just a couple of the neat images captured in this write.
    Nicely done.. very creative.
    ~Sandra
    | Posted on 2005-11-22 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      lemme tell you something, and listen very closely to me...DADDY LIKE! babe this was great! when i read the first verse i was sure you were going to stick rigidly to that form, but you didn't. while it remained similar in each verse, you still played with it and it worked very well and i love it and don't change a thing :) WOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOO!
    | Posted on 2005-11-22 00:00:00 | by treybur | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a good write
    I hope and Pray you are not seriously thinking of doing anything crazy
    The imagery was powerful and you showed
    True Emotion
    With this write
    Great Job!
    Ron
    | Posted on 2005-11-16 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      As far as the teen angst thing goes, i like this piece. I mean...it has a unique and original feel to it that doesn't make me feel like i've read it a million times. It was a good write, even the the subject is cliché, it brought it out of that norm and created this. I like it.
    | Posted on 2005-11-16 00:00:00 | by Mercy December | [ Reply to This ]
      Very deatiled write. I can relate to it a lot. To feel hurt inside and just want to die. This poem will be added to one of my favorite's, because the way you write and the way this piece is worded, it makes me feel like I've found inspiration. I really hope you are as proud of this piece as I am. Please keep writing, as i will be looking for more from you.

    ~*AnGeL*~
    | Posted on 2005-11-16 00:00:00 | by missing_angel | [ Reply to This ]
      though be it yet another teen angst write...I actually found this to be a good write...It gave good imagery to your reader...the only thing that I would change is the last line in your first stanza...the rhyming just seemed to be forced compared to the flow of the rest of the piece.

    Tina Elite's ghetto ballerina...
    | Posted on 2005-11-16 00:00:00 | by Brownsdelight | [ Reply to This ]


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