Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • ES Magazine
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • Video Tutorials
  • RolePlay
  • 90% off Amazon
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: valentines day poem.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: dublhelix
    ASL Info:    18/m/perth australia
    Elite Ratio:    3.8 - 43/36/15
    Words: 220
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 318
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1340



    Description:
       im well aware this isnt like my other works... ive met this girl lately who i adore with all my heart, and this is a poem i wrote.

    it could do with some tweaking here and there. give me some ideas please people...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsvalentines day poem.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    the feat that seems the hardest task,
    is often simple. your fear will mask
    reality of dreams come true.
    it seemed so when i met you
    that fateful day. for once im struck,
    by lack of words. and so it seems
    that you would remain there in my dreams.
    and in my dreams you haunted so.
    my nghts where spent in slumber torn,
    thought cast upon your remebered form.

    My friends soon commented how my mind was asunder.
    and how this girl i talked about,
    could be won. but i, the lout,
    cast apon by fear and doubt,
    unaccostomed to your form and style
    your grace, noticable, all the while
    i tried most desperately to forget you hence.

    and, whence, i drift away.


    however, as seen on every day,
    your sight brought me back to melancholy,
    as on your form my mind would play,
    as if the very mysteries of my life so far
    in flawless form, no mark or mar.
    head bowed, mind askew.
    no sleep, no life anew.

    if only i had talked to you,
    as now ive learned,
    requited hope! not everything
    is copper and brass.
    dank and drass.
    some things in life are true.

    as is my eternal love in you....




    Submitted on 2005-11-16 09:20:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      ...The first stanza is actually really really good when i read over it again...and the rhythm and rhyme is perfect there. Its only really a small unnoticeable thing that the rhythm isnt 100%. I realy like this poem though
    | Posted on 2005-11-16 00:00:00 | by Septembruary | [ Reply to This ]
      Very emotive poem. Sometimes i thought the rhyme rhythm was a bit off and irregular though, but sometimes that can give the poem character. Its clear that this poem was written from live about a real love, rather than just randomly written.
    | Posted on 2005-11-16 00:00:00 | by Septembruary | [ Reply to This ]
      i think this one was ok. u mispelled "night" in the second to last line in the last stanza. that's the only thing that i found wrong with it. i just wasn't feeling it.
    | Posted on 2005-11-16 00:00:00 | by unknown soldier | [ Reply to This ]



    Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
    5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

    [ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

    Google
     

    [ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
    [ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .
    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry
    This user has been inactive for more than 5 days.