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a parade of underetsimation,
sparked a longing in me,
I ever knew to be true.
| i definitely like the format, it worked for me.|
i also think the last 2 stanzas should be swiped.
having said that, it's deep and it leaves a feeling of..coming up from the bottom of a pool. refreshing and not quite exhilirating.. but grateful.
very nice piece.
|| Posted on 2006-03-14 00:00:00 | by onepieces | [ Reply to This ] || This format was incredibly original and accurate in this context. I am impressed by the way in which you have managed to create a seemingly random structure work for your words.|
The ending made me laugh:
I took it too literally, and it is true, you have two words at the end! (Mathematical joke)
This poem needs a title though, and maybe some more elaboration on your thoughts. But well done!
|| Posted on 2006-03-14 00:00:00 | by HansRik | [ Reply to This ] || I believe this was a very personal poem to your Lord|
At least that is how i read it
It says to me that you have been enlightenend and have found inner peace in Life
I really liked it
The way you wrote it did not bother me at all
It created more imagery because I want back to read the lines several times to find the flow
|| Posted on 2005-11-16 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ] || ...i like it...though it's a strange way to present it, it makes you read it faster, making everything a little more...ummm...rushed but in a good way. I like the very end of it. Sorry i ahve no real criticism or anything to improve it, i like it as it is.||| Posted on 2005-11-16 00:00:00 | by Mercy December | [ Reply to This ] || as always kinda deep.|
format=nothing wrong.maybe a few different thoughts being tried to be wrapped into one=title and more elaboration would be in order=u already know this though.
all of this suggest longing=2 me anyways.
ur very articulate with ur words=more so than im able to achieve.
more elagant i thinks toooo
a make 4 a great write.
i already enjoyed it 2 comment
|| Posted on 2005-11-16 00:00:00 | by toyysruss | [ Reply to This ] |