Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: "A Resting Heart"dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: PrettyRicki
    ASL Info:    19
    Elite Ratio:    3.71 - 29/49/11
    Words: 803
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 909
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 5162



    Description:
       Ok...this is just something that I had thought about. Its lengthy...well...I'll just say that it is long, BUT hopefully it'll keep your attention. Like alot of my other poems, its a story that rhymes so...hopefully you'll read all the way through


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots"A Resting Heart"dots
    -------------------------------------------


    “A Resting Heart”
    By: Ricki

    All scratched up and poor
    Is this lil scrub of a boy
    17 years old
    But still, he’s full of joy

    Not given a single thing
    Had to work with what he had
    Crack head for a mother,
    A dead beat for a dad

    And then there she sits
    Combing her hair on the front step
    Family loaded with money
    Nowhere near in debt

    Everything she’s got
    Is served on a silver platter,
    Money was no object,
    It simply didn’t matter

    Both took notice…
    Of the other in school…
    He chose not to speak,
    Scared of looking a fool

    “Here she is…
    The most popular girl all around,
    Id look like a clown…
    I know Id be turned down.”

    “Look at him over there,
    He just sits there lookin sad…
    I wanna talk to him now,
    Just can’t let my rep turn bad.”

    Time goes by,
    They eventually fall in love,
    Her momma still don’t know…
    Cuz she’s in love wit a thug

    “When I get to meet your mom?
    Id like to meet her right now.
    Cuz she’s done great with you,
    I know she’s gotta be proud.”

    “Baby…real soon,
    I promise its coming.”
    In the back of her mind thinking,
    “Mom will think that he’s nothing.”

    See, her parents got standards
    That’s set so damn high
    Theyd take one look at him
    Then be waving goodbye

    That’s the way it was,
    One excuse after another
    This secret from her parents
    Just couldn’t be uncovered

    But, only 1 year later,
    The truth finally came out,
    Her lil brother let it slip
    Couldn’t stop runnin his mouth

    “That boy is a bum,
    Just look at his clothes,
    Girl I taught you better…
    God only knows.”

    “But mom he’s different,
    And sees me for who I am…
    Not the girl I try to be…
    He truly understands.”

    “Look in his pockets,
    Bet he’s got weed and crack too.”
    “Mom, this boys not like that…
    If you only knew.”

    “He don’t love you,
    Just lookin for a way out,
    ‘Love and commitment
    Is not what he’s about.

    So im gonna tell you like this,
    You make a choice right here
    Im only askin once,
    Im makin it clear;

    Its your family or him
    U decide right now
    Cuz this nonsense here,
    Im simply not gonna allow.”

    “Well if that’s the way it is,
    Then I have to choose to leave,
    He really is something,
    I just wish you could see…”

    2 years down the road,
    There a family of three,
    A proud mom and dad,
    And a newborn baby…

    Dads out there workin,
    Really bustin his ass…
    From job to job,
    On the side, cutting grass…

    It stayed like that
    For quite some while,
    No contact wit mom or dad
    Theyre still in denial

    A caring husband
    And a good father he is…
    Treated her like gold
    And was the best with his kid

    But on the way home,
    From work one evening
    A proud and happy family
    Had now started grieving

    See on the way home,
    He was confronted by this gang
    Took all his money,
    And it ended with a “bang”

    See, now its his funeral
    So many in attendance
    Celebrating his life…
    Simply in remembrance…

    The happy wife…now widowed
    She won’t see him no more
    She hears the doorknob turn…
    And her mom walks through the door

    “Mom before you start,
    Im already hurt enough now
    Thanks for your support
    Im sure your real proud.”

    “Look honey, Im sorry…
    I shoulda been there, I know
    I had questioned all his love,
    But now it really shows.”

    “Well, damn…it took his death
    To show you all that?
    I been telling you for years
    And at home is where you sat.

    No visits or calls
    The whole time he was here
    Now your at his funeral
    With the nerve to shed a tear.”

    “I know and Im sorry,
    What more can I do..?”
    “Be the mother I wanted,
    That’s all I asked of you.”

    “He was my life
    And I ain’t got him no more…
    Please leave the way you came
    And step back out that door.”

    So her mom left,
    And that’s the way it was
    Was the two of them forever,
    Just her and her son

    Pictures of dad hung,
    From the right wall to left,
    That hole still extant,
    A missing piece in her chest

    She struggled day to day
    All the while doing her best,
    But the thought always came back…
    When they laid her heart to rest…







    Submitted on 2005-11-16 17:17:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow...this just reminded me somewhat of my past..."mama I'm in love with a gangsta and I know he's a killa but i love that n***a" only my parents were right in a sense...he wasn't good...and he wasn't the perfect husband though I still chose him over everyone else...*shrug* lessons learned.

    You know something I didn't even notice the length of this..and that is just way good...usually i'll start feeling like dang when this gon end? but you got me from the first line to the last so I will tip a hat to you on that one!

    Tina Elite's ghetto ballerina...
    | Posted on 2005-11-17 00:00:00 | by Brownsdelight | [ Reply to This ]
      This was very deep. I was completely drawn into this. There were a few places that kind of...lost tempo...but the work as a whole was beyond expectations.

    I feel like one of them movie critic peoples...I feel for real like I just watched a movie! You are a great story teller/poet. I am glad to see that you don't let a talent go to waste. You are willing to take that step forward and be different then the rest.

    I completely respect your work.

    Much love,

    Li
    | Posted on 2005-11-17 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]
      Ah, man. This was such a great story. God, that's so sad... It's a shame that such things really happen, and worse. Although the poem was on the long side, it was a wonderful story and I was with you the entire way. I think what really gave spice to the piece were the little conversations. I especially liked this part:

    “I know and Im sorry,
    What more can I do..?”
    “Be the mother I wanted,
    That’s all I asked of you.”


    Well done, it was a really touching story.
    | Posted on 2005-11-16 00:00:00 | by DeepDreamer2008 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    81274

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry