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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Monsters Withereddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 45
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 901
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 320



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Monsters Withereddots
    -------------------------------------------


    The mother tongue
    nursed her litter of white fibs
    into massive black lies
    before unleashing them
    upon their victims,
    but they met them
    with swords of truth
    and shields of silence.
    The monsters withered into a hush
    like slugs in an avalanche of salt.




    Submitted on 2005-11-16 17:25:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      That was brilliant! I saw this as someone who like to lie and how they lied around people who can see the truth and so the person who was lying was forced to stop.

    I love this poem Amy...its an amazing coagulation of words

    Kate
    xxxx
    | Posted on 2005-12-04 00:00:00 | by elephantasia | [ Reply to This ]
      Awesome! I love the imagery in the lies. It makes me think of a beauftil woman turning into a monster.
    | Posted on 2005-11-20 00:00:00 | by miss__smiles | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very good poem. Excellent! I love how you have worded this one and elaborated on the tongue nursing white fibs into black lies. The swords of truth are indeed powerful and kicked some ass in this poem with their shields at their side. This is a most clever little poem you have here. I dont see anything I would change. very well written and expressed. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-11-19 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      Eh, this is good! Brings to mind how little lies grow really big. No such thing as a white lie - a lie is a lie is a lie. Like it. :)
    | Posted on 2005-11-18 00:00:00 | by Maverique | [ Reply to This ]
      "like slugs in an avalanche of salt"
    these are my favorite lines i really liked the way you enforced that lies are monsters and truth will prevail eventually i love this short and sweet poem..
    *a favorite*
    -claire
    | Posted on 2005-11-17 00:00:00 | by dismal_s child | [ Reply to This ]
      Graeme is right, this one kicks justice with both feet and the minimalist quality is superb.

    Wasn't there a fear of turning into a pillar of salt in the Old Testament? I would love justice to be the winner, I'm sure you know.

    Great job, Amy, it's good to see you writing, may your muse speak more and more

    Nan
    | Posted on 2005-11-16 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      It's been a while since I read a small piece and actually found myself sucking my breath in between my teeth...
    I can't critique this, as I believe it's excellent as it is, the perfect poem about lying and being found out lying.

    Simply stunning, congratulations

    be happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-11-16 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      yes! this is very close to perfection, not a word to long either, everything that needed to be said was, it's like a novel in ten lines, a complete story, left me satisfied and with a good feeling inside, this is just so good, I can't get the picture this paints out of my head...definitely deserves a place on my faves list...

    Milo
    | Posted on 2005-11-16 00:00:00 | by Milo shanley | [ Reply to This ]
      tiss some great imagery.picture perfect with words=thats what i always look 4.silence is the only time a truth is told=4 me anyways.
    "if something u say is the truth,give it time".i once wrote.
    4 a short one i enjoyed throughly

    toyysruss
    | Posted on 2005-11-16 00:00:00 | by toyysruss | [ Reply to This ]
      tiss some great imagery.picture perfect with words=thats what i always look 4.silence is the only time a truth is told=4 me anyways.
    "if something u say is the truth,give it time".i once wrote.
    4 a short one i enjoyed throughly

    toyysruss
    | Posted on 2005-11-16 00:00:00 | by toyysruss | [ Reply to This ]
      I've never really read a poem based on Lies, but it was great. The title really pulled me in and the first verse kept me intune with the it's imaginary yet suprisingly brutal tune. Great Job, I'd give this poem 8.5 out of 10.
    | Posted on 2005-11-16 00:00:00 | by Naymless | [ Reply to This ]
      wow!
    i had a good feeling in this one. i liked the image i had, of sword and shields and such. also imaged how you put the monsters in silence. i liked that part. also like the beginning and how this piece is short and sweet. also "mother tongue" left me a little off, but that is ok. i liked the rest of it, and it was great. much thanks and Respect cuddle.
    | Posted on 2005-11-16 00:00:00 | by irish storm | [ Reply to This ]
      It's about food! Or it could be about lies being told through your mouth! I like the idea that this can have a lot of meaning. I think that this could be food because you talk about the tongue and white fibs, which I thought to be teeth. lol
    Then the massive black lies could be like the lies a mother tells her children before they set out in the real world. You know the ones that say "It'll be okay hun. You can do it." When the mother knows they haven't been trained properly. LOL Don't ask where that came from!
    Then the victims and monsters was the food that the fibs had to wither away into a hush before sailing down into someone's tummy.
    Yeah, I don't really know what I'm talking about but seriously I thought this was about food at first. Then I thought it could be about lying too.
    :) Great job! I like it a lot. It made me use my imagination. Take care hun!
    hehe Watch this comment be totally off base and out there but hey, isn't that what poetry is about? :)
    ttyl <3
    -blt
    | Posted on 2005-11-17 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]


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