Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: If I Had Wings...dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: irish storm
    ASL Info:    17/m/hawaii
    Elite Ratio:    4.14 - 94/107/29
    Words: 140
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1033
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 868



    Description:
       a prompt i thought of. and i just went with it. hope you all enjoy =]


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIf I Had Wings...dots
    -------------------------------------------


    If I Had Wings...

    Id fly back in time and walk with the dinosaurs.
    And run away when the TREX comes to try and eat me.
    Id fly back into the time when George Bush was elected and fly away with the ballots and change them myself.
    ....Although it would take me awhile.
    Maybe if I had wings...
    Id fly only sometimes just to be free.
    And scream "FREEDOM" Braveheart style at the top of my lungs.
    Many people ask me what wings would I get.
    "Angel or Devil wings?", "Feather or Bat Wings?"
    Nope.
    Id just be me with the power to fly.
    Tumbling in and out of clouds and dogding planes.
    Come back to my house later and continue with Life.
    Everyonce in awhile... I'll fly.
    Dodge planes...
    ..and tumble in and out of clouds.




    Submitted on 2005-11-16 17:36:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This poem is inspired and very funny. I love the lines:

    Id fly back into the time when George Bush was elected and fly away with the ballots and change them myself.
    ...Although it would take me awhile.

    the most. A brilliant piece, SPeacenik.
    | Posted on 2006-02-22 00:00:00 | by Speacenik | [ Reply to This ]
      Fly just to fly, that'd be me. I don't really think there is anything else I'd do...besides scare a couple friends. And gloat at one in particular

    This was good, I agree with Imz, the freedomous(I have no idea if that is a word or not) feeling this gives is quite a spirit up lifter.

    This comment might be a bit confusing, I'm sorry. If you get nothing out of this just know that I thought it was cool and it got me thinking about flying...and scaring my friends

    Bonnie
    | Posted on 2006-02-14 00:00:00 | by Krazy | [ Reply to This ]
      This was very cute. I think you have a free spirit about you and it comes through your writing. I think this was just so refreshing to read. I'd changed the ballots also. lol. Very good, very good indeed.

    Maggie
    | Posted on 2006-02-17 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      Poor george but he has it coming, I really like that line about changing the ballot you a millions of others would too i think nice job keep tapping the keys adnil
    | Posted on 2005-11-22 00:00:00 | by adnil | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very good write. I love the sense of freedom that is expressed in this. I can relate to this as well, as I have always thought if I could come back as an animal, I would want to be a seagull. They have the best of it all. The ocean front as their home, food always plentiful and the ability to fly and soar high in the sky. They are truly free and can even poop on people hahahhahaaaa! But seriously, I enjoyed reading this. I laughed a couple of times here too which is wonderful. This is very creative and well written. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-11-21 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      This was another excellent write by you
    You really are turning me on to your style of writing
    You have an extremely creative imagination and seem quite able to transpose your thoughts into your writing

    I had this dream as a child that I was flying among the clouds and I swear to you sometimes I really do believe it happenend
    Thanks for sharing this
    Please take Care of yourself
    Ron
    | Posted on 2005-11-17 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      This, my friend, is magnificent. After all the emotional poetry on here, all the wannabe pro-writers with their huge words and prejudice that comes with those, you came out here and deliver something like this. No emotional connections, no big words, simple, brilliant.

    I loved so much about this piece, maybe because I'm the dreamer type, but these are just a few and brief explaination:

    -"I'd fly back into the time when George Bush was elected..."- Ol' George gets a lot of critisism over here in the UK and that just made me smile...
    -"...scream "FREEDOM"- Braveheart style at the top of my lungs."- Braveheart rocks and the way you incorporated does as well. Wouldn't we all?
    -"I'd just be me with the power to fly."- This is my favourite part of all. Saying you wouldn't have wings is a great way of sticking two fingers up to change, so to speak.

    So, no understatement here, this is was BRILLIANT and definately the best poem I have read in a long time, this deserves more than a favs addition, I'd give it an award or something, enter it in a competition with corrected grammar and you'll do well. Brilliant work!
    | Posted on 2005-11-17 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this a lot. If you take the words at face value, it sounds really innocent, but you can kind of assign a deeper meaning to a lot of what you said, and turn everything into a metaphor for maybe the perfect life, or a good day, or something else. It's very well written, great job.

    Cheers,
    Azael
    | Posted on 2005-11-16 00:00:00 | by Anticlownperson | [ Reply to This ]
      i like the last sentence. that was really well written. And the idea of wings drew me in, since its a beautiful concept.

    This piece has a lot of potential. the T-REX line kind of threw me off but you got me back again in the continuing lines. But overall i like this, its original and makes me smile

    Good job


    ~
    | Posted on 2005-11-16 00:00:00 | by orderly conduct | [ Reply to This ]
      I love it. It Kind of makes me want to grow wings of my own. It's was really well written and your absolutely correct George Bush shouldn't be president! Well anyways just want to let you know how I felt about this poem or whatever it is, I'd give it a 8 out of 10.
    | Posted on 2005-11-16 00:00:00 | by Naymless | [ Reply to This ]
      god, what i wouldn't give to have the ability to fly.
    i really like how you describe your flight... who needs wings (angel, bat or otherwise) when all you want is to be free?

    sorry, i can't think of anything else to say in your comment but i really do appreciate this piece. keep it up and a belated welcome to the site!

    -jess
    | Posted on 2005-11-16 00:00:00 | by wildchild | [ Reply to This ]
      i liked this alot, I think we all wish sometimes that we could just fly away from everything and be free. Well done, I am going to add this to my faves.

    I think your right about George bush too, someone should've changed the ballots.

    tink
    | Posted on 2005-11-16 00:00:00 | by babytinkerbelle | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    81281

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    untitled written by Chelebel
    The Promise written by annie0888
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Giving written by jjd
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Fasade written by jackz
    written by Daniel Barlow
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Bond written by saartha
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Wavelength written by saartha
    written by Daniel Barlow
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    True Death written by layDsayD
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry