Slurring the Words by I_Bleed

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dots

<< | >>

Submission Name: Slurring the Words dots

--------------------------------------------------------

Author:	I_Bleed_Ink
Elite Ratio:	5.55 - 182/176/52
Words:	88

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	283
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	595

Description:
a drunk's rambling...but somehow it makes sense....maybe lol

Slurring the Words dots

-------------------------------------------

Life in the fast lane,
I can’t even explain
All this remorse
Plotting my course.
It’s a constant pain
With nothing to gain
But miles on the clock,
Unable to stop.
It’s a crying shame
Drowning once again.
It’s one last shot
But the chaser is hot
And it burns my brain
As it waxes and wanes.
Tilting to the front
Fueling my want
And the flame.
Both are the same.
No distinction between
Me and this dream
While my legs are lame
Just shoot me…

Submitted on 2005-11-16 21:37:30 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  You definitely sound drunk. It sounds like the sort of thing I've heard friends write while [censored]ed up. I get that sense. It rhymes and I haven't read anything that rhymed on this site for awhile.
| Posted on 2008-10-11 00:00:00 | by ssssss | [ Reply to This ]
  now somehow you knew i would find this I bet.......I almost get the sense of a literall lame person getting drunk because they can't get out there and do stuff like others.....I do see the drunkenness but that is to wash away the scorn from what life has dealt them....sorry if I am way off but that's what I get from this--this is definately different from you Katelyn and I like that....but you must tell me what you were thinking here......
cya
lamemansterms
| Posted on 2005-11-18 00:00:00 | by LameMansTerms | [ Reply to This ]
  This is pretty good stuff here. Definitely get the feel of a drunken ramble while reading this. haha! It's short verses really add to the effect of rambling and creates a sense of urgency as it is read much like a drunken rant would do. It is very depressing overall and then kinda just blends into a rant and the ending is most interesting and I wonder how you end up at this statement. Is it because your legs are lame? Kinda like a horse here...or are you so distraught and consumed in this state of mind that you really feel you would be better off if someone shot you? In some strange way, I found this amusing and reading this gave me a bit of a smile. haha! Oh well, thanks for sharing this, its a good read. Take care.

Lorna
| Posted on 2005-11-17 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
  Have you ever heard of Sylvia Plath?

This piece has a tone similar to her work, which is very peculiar. Her poetic writes have influenced many to delve into poetry as well as other great poets.

I noticed the draggin' tone this carries, which gives the poem it's depressive tone. It is almost lyrical as well.

For some reason these two lines have caught my attention. I have imagine a clock going 'tick, tock', 'tick,tock'...over and over again in between these two lines

"But miles on the clock,
Unable to stop."

Overall, this tightly expresses the tone of the poem..."Slurring the Words".

Thanks for sharing, love Saby~*~
| Posted on 2005-11-16 00:00:00 | by CaramelCandy | [ Reply to This ]
  Hmm.. not bad. Very catchy flow. I like the ending. The whole thing is sort of one long verse; one line leads to another and another, which makes it hard to stop reading from beginning to end. I don't know... it's kind of hard to give a suggestion; it seems to be put together like a card house; change one verse and the whole thing might fall apart. It doesn't quite rhyme in some places, but I don't really care.
" No distinction between
Me and this dream
While my legs are lame,
Just shoot me..."
Some of it could be cliché, but I just like it anyway. Some one help me out here!
| Posted on 2005-11-16 00:00:00 | by Jeniffer | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece? 7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?

81314

Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

[ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

Enter your search terms Submit search form

Web www.eliteskills.com

[ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
[ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .

[ Quick Signup ]
[ Lost Password ]

January 10 07
131,497 Poems
Posted

I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

[ Angst Poetry ]
[ Cutters ]
[ Famous Poetry ]
[ Poetry Scams ]

FontSize:
[ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]