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Enter My World


Author: lifeNsoul1224
ASL Info:    17/F/ Michigan
Elite Ratio:    3.22 - 182 /159 /60
Words: 171
Class/Type: Poetry /Dark
Total Views: 841
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1161



Description:




Enter My World



When everything is silent
The world is dead and gone
I find my true happiness
Something that leaves at dawn

Because during the day I see it
The hustle and bustle of the world
Everything seems so wrong
I’m just that sad and lonely girl

Looking in through something else
Through a big glass door
Isolated from everything
In my own little world

At night everything changes
Everyone is dead
Eyes closed tight shut
Dreams fill their head

I love night so much
Because everyone enters my world
Hustle and bustle gone
No longer the sad and lonely girl

You don’t have to hear it
The problems during the day
Because at night everything is dead
Night makes it go away

It’s not just the dark
Or the quietness of it
It’s the problems that cease to be
And nothings a secret

Because the dreams that fill your head
Are technically not real
But everything is perfect
And no one ever feels




Submitted on 2005-11-17 13:14:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  it's okay. It's fine for standard poetry form, but you could tell some of the things were thrown in just to rhyme, and not really sticking with the point you were trying to make, at least that's how it seemed to me. Nice tempo in the poetry though. Keep it up, it needs a little work, but it could be very good.
| Posted on 2006-08-06 00:00:00 | by hybridsongwrite | [ Reply to This ]
  It started out very strong and it was good until you you kind of started to end it..like the last two stanzas just kind of killed it...but it was good..nice flow, and imagery....I saw it in my head I feel it in my heart ..I know where your coming from with this one..it was pretty close to my own feelings ...though I love the darkness simply because its so caklm and its not a rush anymore....everything is at peace and not bright with lies of things that you think you can see.it was overall a very good write..even good enough for a favorite spot...see you around keep it up.
| Posted on 2006-07-29 00:00:00 | by Restless_Heart | [ Reply to This ]
  Basically the way it's written is fine, perhaps you can shorten it and the unnecessary details with strong propelling words that strikes the heart entirely. By the way, the character in the poem should try not to ask for perfection because it kills, if you know what I meant. But these are personal opinions, take it or leave it.
| Posted on 2005-11-26 00:00:00 | by Razorain | [ Reply to This ]
  this is so deep and it really gives me something to think about, the flow is really steady and consistent and there is many nights i feel the same.
| Posted on 2005-11-22 00:00:00 | by fluta | [ Reply to This ]
  This, to me, is a really great poem. It address an issus many can relate to(my self included). I really loved the way you ended it, it closed the poem up very nicely and gave it a highly personal feel.
| Posted on 2005-11-21 00:00:00 | by Necromi | [ Reply to This ]
  Hey,

That was pretty cool. The flow differ barely here and there. It still was good though. My favorite line had to be, actually the last two verse were my favorite.

Raven
| Posted on 2005-11-17 00:00:00 | by Silent_Tears | [ Reply to This ]
  wow thats grrrreat! i like it a lot! i really like the words "hustle and bustle"!lol. you spaced it purrefectly too! im goin to add it to my favsl. if u dont mind!keep up the good work kid!
| Posted on 2005-11-17 00:00:00 | by crazygothchika | [ Reply to This ]


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