Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Enter My Worlddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lifeNsoul1224
    ASL Info:    17/F/ Michigan
    Elite Ratio:    3.22 - 182/159/60
    Words: 171
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 634
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1153



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsEnter My Worlddots
    -------------------------------------------


    When everything is silent
    The world is dead and gone
    I find my true happiness
    Something that leaves at dawn

    Because during the day I see it
    The hustle and bustle of the world
    Everything seems so wrong
    Iím just that sad and lonely girl

    Looking in through something else
    Through a big glass door
    Isolated from everything
    In my own little world

    At night everything changes
    Everyone is dead
    Eyes closed tight shut
    Dreams fill their head

    I love night so much
    Because everyone enters my world
    Hustle and bustle gone
    No longer the sad and lonely girl

    You donít have to hear it
    The problems during the day
    Because at night everything is dead
    Night makes it go away

    Itís not just the dark
    Or the quietness of it
    Itís the problems that cease to be
    And nothings a secret

    Because the dreams that fill your head
    Are technically not real
    But everything is perfect
    And no one ever feels




    Submitted on 2005-11-17 13:14:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      it's okay. It's fine for standard poetry form, but you could tell some of the things were thrown in just to rhyme, and not really sticking with the point you were trying to make, at least that's how it seemed to me. Nice tempo in the poetry though. Keep it up, it needs a little work, but it could be very good.
    | Posted on 2006-08-06 00:00:00 | by hybridsongwrite | [ Reply to This ]
      It started out very strong and it was good until you you kind of started to end it..like the last two stanzas just kind of killed it...but it was good..nice flow, and imagery....I saw it in my head I feel it in my heart ..I know where your coming from with this one..it was pretty close to my own feelings ...though I love the darkness simply because its so caklm and its not a rush anymore....everything is at peace and not bright with lies of things that you think you can see.it was overall a very good write..even good enough for a favorite spot...see you around keep it up.
    | Posted on 2006-07-29 00:00:00 | by Restless_Heart | [ Reply to This ]
      Basically the way it's written is fine, perhaps you can shorten it and the unnecessary details with strong propelling words that strikes the heart entirely. By the way, the character in the poem should try not to ask for perfection because it kills, if you know what I meant. But these are personal opinions, take it or leave it.
    | Posted on 2005-11-26 00:00:00 | by Razorain | [ Reply to This ]
      this is so deep and it really gives me something to think about, the flow is really steady and consistent and there is many nights i feel the same.
    | Posted on 2005-11-22 00:00:00 | by fluta | [ Reply to This ]
      This, to me, is a really great poem. It address an issus many can relate to(my self included). I really loved the way you ended it, it closed the poem up very nicely and gave it a highly personal feel.
    | Posted on 2005-11-21 00:00:00 | by Necromi | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey,

    That was pretty cool. The flow differ barely here and there. It still was good though. My favorite line had to be, actually the last two verse were my favorite.

    Raven
    | Posted on 2005-11-17 00:00:00 | by Silent_Tears | [ Reply to This ]
      wow thats grrrreat! i like it a lot! i really like the words "hustle and bustle"!lol. you spaced it purrefectly too! im goin to add it to my favsl. if u dont mind!keep up the good work kid!
    | Posted on 2005-11-17 00:00:00 | by crazygothchika | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    81378

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry