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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: "A Day 2 Remember"dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: PrettyRicki
    ASL Info:    19
    Elite Ratio:    3.71 - 29/49/11
    Words: 447
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 909
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2905



    Description:
       If youve read anything that Ive posted previously...you know how my style is. This poem is the same way. I always tell a story and this falls into that category just like the others...so read on and see whatchu think...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots"A Day 2 Remember"dots
    -------------------------------------------


    “A Day 2 Remember”
    By: Ricki

    Another day at my desk,
    Same day, different shit
    But the thought of goin home to her,
    Brightens my day up a lil bit

    The thrill of my life,
    A true angel from heaven
    Imagine being a millionaire
    And times that by seven

    From the smile on her face,
    To the dimples in her cheek
    Demeanor shinin bright
    So innocent and sweet

    And this ain’t just talk,
    I make it a point in tellin her
    “Baby, your all that I want,
    Couldn’t ask for nothing better…”

    “The way you treat me,
    Words couldn’t explain…”
    That’s when I kneeled down
    And asked her to take my last name

    The look on her face,
    Said it all without speaking
    I knew it was a “yes”
    The way my heart had been beating

    Screaming and hollering
    Tears started to pour down,
    I could hear them wedding bells
    Such a beautiful sound

    That’s when we sat down
    And drew up a date
    “June 15th of next year?”
    “Aww honey, that’d be great!”

    So there it was,
    The date had been set…
    I knew this would be something
    I would never regret

    Months go by
    And already its been a year
    “One more week till the big day.
    I can’t believe its almost here.”

    Final plans were being made
    It was all coming together
    “Guys would kill to have one day with her…
    And now I have her forever.”

    Work just wasn’t work,
    It became so much better
    There simply was no beating,
    This harmonious endeavor

    Two days to go,
    And I’ll be walking down that isle
    Armageddon itself
    Couldn’t wipe off my smile

    Get home from work,
    Got off a lil early this evening
    My last client didn’t show,
    So I ended up leaving

    Walk through the door
    And yell, “Baby, Im home.”
    No response back…
    Figure she must be on the phone

    Hang my coat on the door
    And walk into the kitchen
    She’d just started cookin
    “Hmm, wonder what she’s fixin?”

    “No time for that now,
    Im ready to see my baby…
    All of em wanted her,
    But now she’s my lady…”

    Down through the hall,
    I take it step by step,
    Intending to surpise her
    I gently and slowly crept

    Almost to the door,
    Thinkin, “Im really gonna get her.”
    My day had been great
    But this would make it much better

    Start turning the knob,
    “Couldn’t be any happier myself.”
    But in an instant, it changed…
    She was in the bed with someone else…





    Submitted on 2005-11-17 20:45:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow, the ending knocked the SH*t out me.

    What an ending. I can only hope that it aint true.

    You had me reading on and on looking for the perfect ending and bang, the lights went out.

    Thats how you do it.

    Well, this is an awesome write

    Respect and Admiration

    Clyde
    | Posted on 2005-12-06 00:00:00 | by Wisdom Seeker | [ Reply to This ]
      Damn. What a bummer ending to this most lovely love poem. This was reading like this storybook romance and being the pessimist I am, I kept waiting for the "but" and sure enough it came. Very rough though to have someone cheat on you, and catch them in your bed together. Ooooh man that is harsh. I dont know this pain first hand and I dont think I would take it very well. I wonder if this poem is personal to you, or just fiction? Anyway, a good poem. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-11-18 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      Sounds like that song... Contagious except you were real happy... like you just had pounds of candy to see her... I am telling you this is pretty good... The language was necessary to make the point fall across... You are so happy and so hopeful and wishing... Then blam... whole world shattered... and to think only two days till the wedding and everything that you both had seemed to go through... you made me feel sorry for this dude... had it done to me before but I was not all engaged to the person but yeah... anyways... good write and would be great if I could feel the feelings you put into it more
    | Posted on 2005-11-17 00:00:00 | by josymanthegreat | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, i really liked it, the ending was unpredictable, and i could just see myself going through all that. although most of the time longer is better, i think that in this instance, you might want to shorten it. at some points it just seems like you are repeating yourself. i dotn claim to be an expert, but these are just my thoughts.
    | Posted on 2005-11-17 00:00:00 | by godsminion | [ Reply to This ]


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    81433

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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    January 10 07
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