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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Riptide of Emotiondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: EmeraldJealousy
    Elite Ratio:    6.42 - 219/109/18
    Words: 95
    Class/Type: Poetry/Angry
    Total Views: 1733
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 592



    Description:
       another drab love poem gone wrong *sigh* oh well, it's back to the word processor.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRiptide of Emotiondots
    -------------------------------------------


    It boils, it swirls,
    Flooding the dissident waters with wave.
    Foam crushed beneath emotion,
    Anger injected into my world,
    The colors meshed like red and purplish jade.

    It bubbles, it steams,
    Pooling into succeeding tides.
    Drenched with draughts of rage,
    Creeping into all of my dreams,
    Like turbulent answers in serenade.

    It settles, it cools
    Flattened by settling rains
    Left empty like the riptide gone out,
    I am left here as your tool,
    A discarded hull of pain.




    Submitted on 2004-04-23 09:52:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      a good poem. you present some very good images here. it paints a vivid picture. but like Matthew I'm missing the fact why you're so upset.
    | Posted on 2004-04-23 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      would sound better if tied to the ever important its something in the title,likr if it was different it would reveal this as not just another emotion,make it more personal,perhaps the use of the revealing last lines,to use to make a title, without giving to much clue to the
    'tool" revalization.dont under estimate the origonality of this peice, the timelessness of these situations are not to be taken as redundent,unless spoken in the pathetic repetitive tounge of the clich'ed drama queen.
    this peice seperates it self from that catergory ,as it sounds interestingly like an excerpert from a classic novel.
    again sorry for to much attention but your writing is somewhat intriging <not like my spelling paulie d,(writing is sculpture to the artist,not an office memo ,so create art, you got it inside)
    | Posted on 2004-04-25 00:00:00 | by paulie d | [ Reply to This ]
      reveiw my comment the first two lines are zippo in meaning

    your peice is potential,and please write more huh
    | Posted on 2004-04-25 00:00:00 | by paulie d | [ Reply to This ]


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