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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Dust Pandots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 106
    Class/Type: Poetry/You left me
    Total Views: 808
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 608



    Description:
       This was again about my sister, I write from her broken heart.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDust Pandots
    -------------------------------------------


    would you be angry
    she asked
    if I break my heart on your guitar
    if I strum the strings with my tears
    would you be angry
    if I trespass into your house
    and fall apart
    if I sleep underneath your sheets
    and forget to wake up
    put on your robe
    bathe in your tub
    would it be okay if I cry awhile
    if I smear my mascara on your sheets
    if I spill my whine on your floor
    if the ashes from my ciggarette burn your sweater
    would you be angry
    if you had to clean up your own mess
    the mess you made of me




    Submitted on 2005-11-18 10:46:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I loved it so much..i could relate a lot..yea some guys make a mess out of girls and the other way around too..the whole thing was just perfect..the beginning was my favorite part though..and the end tied it all together..flawless..thats cools that its about your sister..you like tune into to her sadness and display it perfectly..loved it ..keep up the great work..
    -Lucy-
    | Posted on 2006-02-23 00:00:00 | by rainbowXrazors | [ Reply to This ]
      nice work! i had great time reading... its very expressive and and i feel it.... especially the last three lines c",)

    ur poem rocks!!!!

    | Posted on 2006-02-11 00:00:00 | by jane_kiedis | [ Reply to This ]
      The last two lines are my very most favorite, because they completely explain the title. And you should have to clean up any mess that you make, it's only fair. I like this poem, and yeah, even though it's completely neurotic, I can almost see myself prowling around his house, doing these things. Kind of a funny picture. I'd have a bit of trouble though, if Tonya was there. I'd have to push her fat *ss off the bed before I could fall asleep in it, and forget to wake up...
    | Posted on 2006-01-20 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey Lori:

    Men sometimes make a mess of us, don't they?

    Metaphoric use of "Dust Pan" to describe the condition of a woman's broken heart is extremely creative... The analogy fits perfectly and the message needs no fixing. It is plain as day how love can leave you a mess most of the times.

    I enjoyed truly...luv Saby~*~
    | Posted on 2005-11-30 00:00:00 | by CaramelCandy | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh wow...
    I really liked this... The ending really brings it all together...
    It has a powerful meaning...
    I liked the entire concept of this...
    It was really creative.

    jessie thomas
    | Posted on 2005-11-18 00:00:00 | by jessie thomas | [ Reply to This ]
      Very expressive. Go back and work with your spelling and such though. The words are spelt 'wine' and 'cigarrette'.

    It's not bad, but it's not the best it could be. It's good, for an angst poem. You'll get it soon.
    | Posted on 2005-11-18 00:00:00 | by Zabriel | [ Reply to This ]
      i like it except all the things she wants to ruin are my faves lol any way it was rather good
    just plzz dont break my acustic or burn my cardigen its my fav lol plus i already have a nuff cigg burns in it im a messy smoker lol

    ok
    xoxo
    lots of love
    that girl
    | Posted on 2005-11-18 00:00:00 | by sweet sorenity | [ Reply to This ]
      This is an interesting write. I have noticed that their are a couple of differnt ways that people deal with heart break. Avoidence, distruction, and my personal fav...not letting go for a good long while. (just remembering the good and the hopes of a change of heart) This poems screams attention, attention... please pay attention to me!
    I like this poem and can not tell you what it is that attracts me...just nice to understand the feeling of loss.
    | Posted on 2005-11-18 00:00:00 | by mon28 | [ Reply to This ]


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