[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Yet another thing untitleddots

    Author: Akili
    Elite Ratio:    2.36 - 915/400/60
    Words: 132
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 908
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 775

       Akili's got her sadish muse back again! though this seems to be more of a happy thing to me then anything.. What do you think?

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsYet another thing untitleddots

    If only god could give me the strength
    to spread my wings and fly.
    To allow myself to smile again.
    I wish it was a power
    and maybe some one will allow me the chance
    to live this life of love yet again

    If only youíd allow me the power.
    To tear myself away from you
    We where never lovers
    and hardly even friends
    But somehow Iíve hooked myself to you.

    Allow a rose to grow on my grave
    yet I donít want to go yet.
    Would you just allow me to walk away?
    I needed my space
    if only for a bit.
    And somehow itís grown into this.

    What has happened to us?
    Why canít I allow myself to let go?
    Youíre something Iíve never even had.

    Submitted on 2005-11-18 20:38:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I think, that in this poem a young girl is attatched to a guy and is asking god to hepl her forget about him. I think that this is a great poem and that you should keep writing and if this poem is about you don't let love get you down. Keep a straight face and keep you head up.

    | Posted on 2006-05-07 00:00:00 | by jslbabygirl101 | [ Reply to This ]
      ah, hello! i'm finally here to comment! (i couldn't remember if i already did or not)

    this is so good... but so confusing! what do you plan on titling it? you should do that even if you're going to go and change it like 50 times...

    anyways, yeah, your piece, very nice. the third stanza's my favorite... it kind of reminds me of myself. you know how afraid of the "L" word I am and how i don't get too close to people unless i know i can trust them... this, leaving me, stuff has happened to me countless times and after a while it just gets really discouraging.

    *shakes self* all right, sorry for ranting here but that's really what i thought about when i read this... good job AKI!

    | Posted on 2005-12-07 00:00:00 | by wildchild | [ Reply to This ]
      Aw, I liked it. One question though: Is this personal or detached?

    Sometimes growing close to someone isn't all that bad...but it can be terrible, like when you KNOW that person is wrong for you...but you just can't do anything because you are stuck...yeah, I try not to stick to people, but thats just who I am.

    I am off to read your other new poetry.
    <3 Bon
    | Posted on 2005-11-19 00:00:00 | by Krazy | [ Reply to This ]
      i really think that you need a title...it doesnt even have to be about the poem at all...it could be whatever you want...and somethings are repeated too much...it kind puts me off the poem

    | Posted on 2005-11-19 00:00:00 | by lifeNsoul1224 | [ Reply to This ]
      All i have to say is be yourself! I think the title of a poem or song though is a very important thing, and you should really try to put a title to your work in my opinion. Keep writing though and your work will become greater as time passes.
    | Posted on 2005-11-19 00:00:00 | by Martin S. Allen | [ Reply to This ]
      At some degree I think I understand what you're trying to say. But the 4th line on the 1st verse somewhat obstructed the smooth flow of your first three lines. The 2nd verse 3rd line with the word "where" should be "were". I find the whole piece rather colloquial. But I'm sure you can work on it more to give it a smoother, more poetic flow. :D So far, I can relate to what you're getting at: How someone can actually empower us by his mere image that letting go of that image can really be a struggle, one that we may not immediately win. :D Good job though!
    | Posted on 2005-11-18 00:00:00 | by Vangielyn | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Wavelength written by saartha
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    Giving written by jjd
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Push written by JanePlane
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    True Death written by layDsayD
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]