Description: Akili's got her sadish muse back again! though this seems to be more of a happy thing to me then anything.. What do you think?
Yet another thing untitled -------------------------------------------
If only god could give me the strength
to spread my wings and fly.
To allow myself to smile again.
I wish it was a power
and maybe some one will allow me the chance
to live this life of love yet again
If only you’d allow me the power.
To tear myself away from you
We where never lovers
and hardly even friends
But somehow I’ve hooked myself to you.
Allow a rose to grow on my grave
yet I don’t want to go yet.
Would you just allow me to walk away?
I needed my space
if only for a bit.
And somehow it’s grown into this.
What has happened to us?
Why can’t I allow myself to let go?
You’re something I’ve never even had.
I think, that in this poem a young girl is attatched to a guy and is asking god to hepl her forget about him. I think that this is a great poem and that you should keep writing and if this poem is about you don't let love get you down. Keep a straight face and keep you head up.
ah, hello! i'm finally here to comment! (i couldn't remember if i already did or not)
this is so good... but so confusing! what do you plan on titling it? you should do that even if you're going to go and change it like 50 times...
anyways, yeah, your piece, very nice. the third stanza's my favorite... it kind of reminds me of myself. you know how afraid of the "L" word I am and how i don't get too close to people unless i know i can trust them... this, leaving me, stuff has happened to me countless times and after a while it just gets really discouraging.
*shakes self* all right, sorry for ranting here but that's really what i thought about when i read this... good job AKI!
Aw, I liked it. One question though: Is this personal or detached?
Sometimes growing close to someone isn't all that bad...but it can be terrible, like when you KNOW that person is wrong for you...but you just can't do anything because you are stuck...yeah, I try not to stick to people, but thats just who I am.
i really think that you need a title...it doesnt even have to be about the poem at all...it could be whatever you want...and somethings are repeated too much...it kind puts me off the poem
All i have to say is be yourself! I think the title of a poem or song though is a very important thing, and you should really try to put a title to your work in my opinion. Keep writing though and your work will become greater as time passes.
At some degree I think I understand what you're trying to say. But the 4th line on the 1st verse somewhat obstructed the smooth flow of your first three lines. The 2nd verse 3rd line with the word "where" should be "were". I find the whole piece rather colloquial. But I'm sure you can work on it more to give it a smoother, more poetic flow. :D So far, I can relate to what you're getting at: How someone can actually empower us by his mere image that letting go of that image can really be a struggle, one that we may not immediately win. :D Good job though!
Submission Name: Yet another thing untitled
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