[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Scattered like the Seeds.dots

    Author: comradenessie
    Elite Ratio:    6.5 - 626/539/110
    Words: 281
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 861
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1909

       My brother broke his foot the other week and went to hospital. He's a lot older than me and lives on his own in the North. I was going to go up to visit him and take him back to my folk’s home. Their place is bigger than mine - my place is tiny. Mum rang up tonight to say that an infection has set in and he's going to have his leg amputated today. This poem was written in the early hours of this morning. Thanks so much to Morgana, Reckoner, timachan, Azura, nwproud for their sympathy, blessings and kind thoughts.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsScattered like the Seeds.dots

    Some families’ gather
    huddled like the yellow petals
    of a dandelion.

    Others scatter like the seeds
    planting themselves
    in different counties
    and only come together
    to pull Christmas crackers.
    But once they've snapped
    and the tissues torn apart
    it stays separate,
    like an amputated leg.

    Every family
    has their wallflower
    the one that doesn’t fit,
    who lives alone
    in a one bed-roomed flat
    and spends their lives in books.

    We always promise
    to stay in touch
    but it’s not
    till something happens
    and we lay awake
    puzzling out the shapes
    of furniture,
    that we remember

    holidays spent together
    walking round the lakes
    at Buttermere,
    where the reflections
    of trees in the clear water
    have a mirror sharpness.

    And further back
    the welsh farms in Anglesey.
    My younger brother getting the gate
    because, being the first mate,
    it was his responsibility
    to see the car got through.
    And we all pitched in at Harvest time
    my Father used to laugh
    ‘spending good money
    to help bring in the hay.’

    We built sandcastles on the beach
    and looked for crabs
    amongst the pools,
    watching our older brothers fly kites.
    And further back at Bidston
    we watched them climb the steeper way,
    it seemed like a cliff then.
    I doubt it was.

    Playing hide and seek
    if you were spotted
    you were taken prisoner
    but those hiding would creep
    among the rocks and trees
    towards the base and rescue,
    if they could without being seen.
    We seldom see each other now.

    Submitted on 2005-11-19 06:59:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      family is a great motivation for me.i have attempted to write about such.it depresses me that family life is not what it used to be.and this cause other problems in society.we are just starting to feel the effects.it will only get worse.
    youre comparissons were excellent =2 me.and the different aspects of family life.picture perfect.
    i tend to be more simpler in my writes=i have no choice i guess lol

    | Posted on 2005-11-25 00:00:00 | by toyysruss | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a really enjoyable piece. I think what strikes me is the similarity to my own family. Our love is as strong as ever, but we do seem to be scattered like seeds. This piece is full of happy memories of times spent together.

    The great majority of the poem, like they majority of many of our lives, is spent thinking about happy times in the past. Then the clincher:

    "We seldom see each other now."

    Not judgemental, not even really sad, just a calm statement of fact. It's the lack of emotion in the statement that contrasts so dramatically with the earlier happiness. Just a brief, passing thought, perhaps one that is worthy of more time. Yet how often we note that absence of family and then we rush on to fill our time with more current running and thinking of happy memories.

    Maybe we (or just I) need to work harder at creating tomorrow's memories.

    Nice work,
    | Posted on 2005-11-21 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]
      what beautiful memories. i am sorry to hear about your brother, my mother went in for catarack and glaucoma surgery, ended up not getting those but her leg amputated and five months in and out of icu in the hospital. terrible place to be. i hope your brother does fine, there is so much that they can do now adays to make him walk the way he did before. my prayers go out to you and your family, maybe this poem will bring your family closer together, i dont even spend holidays with mine and my husband doesnt have any family, so we are hoping our children will start a new family tradition of staying near and loving each other!~~tracy
    | Posted on 2005-11-19 00:00:00 | by tmullins | [ Reply to This ]
      This was very nice. It seems odd that disasters draw us together like fireflies for reflection on better times, but some families tend to be that way. This was a pleasant reminisce about the value of blood ties and the love that even squabbling siblings have for one another. Nothing sobers us more than mutual suffering. Well done.
    | Posted on 2005-11-19 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]